The Return of Richard
by Exintaris
Summary: The third in the trilogy formed by True Love and The Pursuit of Janice which it follows very closely. Reviews always welcome.
1. A Voice From The Past

The Return of Richard

Author's Note: I'm probably going to regret this (I should be spending more time on my work), but here's another saga starting. For new readers, the basic setting for this sequence, which follows on from _The Pursuit of Janice_, itself following on from _True Love_, is as follows. Ross got married to Emily without problems, and Monica and Rachel got married to each other a bit more than a year later (why and how this happened is set out in _True Love_). To compensate Chandler, who had begun to have strong feelings for Monica, they got him back together with Kathy: they are dating steadily, but Chandler and Joey still share their old apartment. Monica is head chef at Alessandro's, and Rachel is working at Ralph Lauren.

In _The Pursuit of Janice_ it is told how, knowing nothing of this, Janice came to ask Monica and Rachel if they had any news of Chandler, who she believed to be in Yemen (see episode 4,15). They told her the truth, and feeling sorry for her, undertook to help her to recognise and eliminate the defects of behaviour that had turned Chandler off; with the help of Phoebe and (particularly) Emily, they had considerable success. Meanwhile, Chandler had bet Joey that he (Joey) could not get to bed with Janice. This failed, partly because Janice was let in on the secret by the girls, but left Joey with a real crush on the new Janice – and he was not the only one to be attracted to her! The action starts shortly after the end of _The Pursuit of Janice_.

Warning: obviously, references to f/f love will appear, so anyone who can't stand the thought of this between Monica and Rachel (or anyone else, for that matter) should not read this – but there will be no very explicit stuff, I promise.

Disclaimer: The Friends characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Chapter 1: A Voice from the Past

It was getting on in the evening, and Monica was trying to indicate to Rachel, without actually coming right out and saying it, that she would like to go to bed. Rachel knew this perfectly well, but was mischievously ignoring all her hints and feigning great interest in a TV chat show. Just when Monica was about to crack, the phone rang. 

Surprised, Monica picked up. "Monica Geller speaking."

"Monica," said a very familiar voice in a warm tone. "I hoped you were still there."

"Richard!" she gasped. Rachel turned sharply.

"How are you?" said Richard. "Still hanging out in Central Perk with the old crowd, or have there been changes since I last saw you?"

"Well, yes, there have," said Monica, "too many to tell you about over the phone. Why don't you come round to Central Perk and see us all?"

"Well, it's _you_ I really want to see," said Richard in a quietly insistent way. "How about lunch tomorrow?"

"Oh, ah, I'm not sure about that," said Monica, suddenly rather flustered. "Just a moment." She covered the mouthpiece and turned to Rachel, who was now regarding her rather seriously. "He wants me to have lunch with him," she hissed. "Can I? It would be the easiest way to break it to him."

Rachel was very pleased that Monica should think it proper to ask her. She had a feeling that Richard could be a danger to their relationship, but she wanted to trust Monica. "Go ahead, honey," she said. "Just make sure you _do_ tell him."

"Okay, Richard, let's do lunch," said Monica into the phone. "But it'll have to be quick. My lunch break at Alessandro's is only half an hour; I usually take it between twelve and twelve thirty."

"Right," said Richard, his voice subtly different. Monica assumed he had realised that there was someone else in the apartment. "I'll drop by around twelve."

When Richard showed up the following day at Alessandro's, he was looking shell-shocked. Monica guessed that he had learned her most important news. "Did you call my parents?" she asked as he bent to kiss her on the cheek.

He straightened up, and looked at her with a very bemused expression. "_Married_ … to _Rachel_?" he said, as if it was the most incredible thing he had ever heard.

"Yes," said Monica rather shortly. She was not pleased at his reaction. "It was the first thing I was going to tell you. Did mom also mention that Ross had got married again?"

His lips twitched. "It took quite a while before I could break the flow, to ask about you."

"Same old mom," said Monica affectionately. "But she's been very good about our relationship, really. She helped a lot with the wedding, and she's pleased that I'm planning to get pregnant soon."

Richard seemed to flinch. "That was my big mistake, wasn't it?" He shook his head, as if dazed. "We were so great together, you and I."

"We _were_, yes," said Monica pointedly. "Now, Richard, I'm hungry and I don't have much time, so let's get something to eat – my treat."

She got her usual plate of salad and helped him to a generous portion of chicken chasseur. They sat at a table near the kitchen door. Not wanting to give him scope for more comment about the failure of their relationship, Monica launched into an animated account of the more significant events in the lives of her friends, such as Phoebe's acting as surrogate mother for her brother and sister-in-law, Joey's near-miss at a serious love affair with Kate Miller, his opposite lead in a play, and Chandler's steady relationship with Kathy. She continued with her own account of Ross and Emily's wedding, when, as she mentioned briefly, she and Rachel had really begun.

Richard listened without much comment, barely cracking a smile even at the more ludicrous incidents, but continuing to look at her in a rather dazed way that she found a bit unnerving. Finally she said brightly, "And what have you been doing, Richard? Where have you been, in fact? I don't know whether you'd have felt able to come to our wedding," – she smiled sympathetically – "but mom said you were out of the country, so we couldn't even invite you."

For a moment his face seemed to show pain, and he sighed deeply. "I went to Africa," he began slowly, "to work on a project with children." He dropped his gaze. "I went to get you out of my head," he continued, almost violently, "but it didn't work." He raised his head again, to fix her with a very intense look. "I came back to ask you to marry me, if you were free." He reached across the table to take her hand. "I realised what a fool I'd been in this thing about children, that I would _like_ you to have my child, that I _wanted _you to. This, this ceremony you went through with Rachel can't have legal force – you wouldn't even have to get a divorce …" His voice trailed off as he saw her expression.

She tore her hand away from his as if it might burn her, and for a moment wished she were a gorgon, to turn him to stone with her glance. With considerable effort, she kept control of her temper. "Once, you need only have said that, and I'd have come running," she said quietly. "But Richard, that was over two years ago. I've _changed_. I'm committed to Rachel now, I love her very deeply, and we aim to bring up children together, like Carol and Susan."

"Oh, and who's going to be the father?" he said in a bitter tone. "One of your friends, maybe? I don't think Joey or Chandler would make a very good father."

"That's my business," she said angrily. "And it's not nice to dump on my friends like that."

"I'm sorry," he said brusquely, "but I don't think you've thought this through. Whoever you use cannot be the father to your child that Ross is to Ben. Face it, Monica: I can offer you something that Rachel cannot."

"Will you stop this?" Monica cried, feeling she might burst into tears at any moment. "How many times do I have to tell you, I _love_ her!"

Richard's face was red. "I grant she's very attractive, but do you really _love_ that, that _airhead_ the way you loved me?" he growled.

Outraged, Monica was about to tear into him, ignoring all the possible consequences of making a scene in the restaurant, when a passing waiter seemed to trip and dumped a load of cleared plates in Richard's lap. Instantly waiters converged from all over the restaurant and began wiping his clothes clean and tidying up, while Maurice, the one who had done it, offered profuse apologies. Louise, the girl who acted as wine waiter at lunchtime, knelt by Monica's chair to pick up fallen knives and forks. 

"Don't do it, Mon, however much he deserves it,"she hissed. "The proprietor's eating here today, and you know how he feels about being rude to customers."

Monica realised that the restaurant staff had been keeping watch on her and Richard. Ever since she had fallen in love with Rachel, she had shown much greater tolerance for minor errors and misdemeanours, and as a result had gotten along much better with them, and now counted many as friends.

"Thanks," she muttered to Louise, and turned back to Richard, who was now getting rid of his corps of unwanted helpers. Maurice winked at her behind Richard's back and walked away.

Richard's look was at once apologetic and rather defiant.

"I apologise, Monica," he said. "It just so hard to believe that you could – "

"Richard," she interrupted, fixing him with a baleful eye, "if you want us to remain friends, never _ever_ say anything like that again. I should have thought you were mature enough to accept that homosexual relationships can be just as deep and enduring as heterosexual ones. Rachel and I have been together for well over a year now, and I see no reason why we shouldn't spend the rest of our lives together. I certainly want to."

"Well, if you say so, I have to believe it," he muttered, looking a little shamefaced. He seemed about to say something else, but then thought better of it.

"Tell me," she said, suddenly curious, "would you have reacted like this if you'd found me dating Chandler seriously?"

"_Chandler!_" Richard broke into laughter, abruptly cut off when Monica glared at him again. "Why, was there any chance of that?"

"It could have happened," said Monica. "After Ross's wedding he really tried to get me to take him seriously, and in other circumstances I might have done. But by then it was too late."

"So you fixed him up with Kathy as a consolation prize?" said Richard a little mockingly.

"It was the least we could do," said Monica seriously. "I felt sorry for him. I realised that I had kept ignoring signs that he was truly interested in me." She looked at her watch. "I must get back to work."

"Would it be okay if I dropped in at Central Perk some time?" said Richard. "I'd like to see the others." But to Monica it was obvious that this was a blind – what he really wanted was to go on seeing her.

"I guess so," she said resignedly, "I can hardly stop you. But don't think it'll change my mind. You'll find we've all changed a bit, though Joey and Phoebe less than most."

"Well, well," said Richard, shaking his head. "I suppose it had to happen – you guys growing up a bit, I mean. I look forward to meeting Ross's Emily. When might be a good time to get you _all_ together?"

"We try to eat together on Saturday evenings, to keep Ross and Emily in the group," said Monica.

"Okay," said Richard, getting up. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Monica. Just remember: my offer stands." He was gone before she could reply.

This last remark of his unsettled her, and that afternoon she made several mistakes, all fortunately caught by her sub-chefs. This had a bad effect on her temper, and by the time she arrived back at the apartment she was seething with resentment at Richard.

"The nerve of that man!" she raged to Rachel, who had jumped up when she stormed in, slamming the door behind her. "To think he could just _waltz_ in and take up right where he left off! And to believe that I wasn't serious about you when he _knew_, mom had _told_ him, that we were _married_! He, he …" She broke down and began to cry on Rachel's shoulder, without really knowing why. Was it for what might have been, or for the way that he had diminished himself in her eyes by his reaction to her news?

Rachel had been forewarned, by a phone call from Louise, that the meeting with Richard had been stormy. Now, as she tried to calm and comfort Monica, she felt supremely happy. Her decision to trust Monica had been amply rewarded. Monica had just given her the clearest possible indication that even the man she had loved most, the one whom Rachel could envision as a serious rival, meant nothing to her now.

"There, honey, there," she said, stroking Monica's hair lovingly. "Was he … mean about me?"

"Not mean, precisely," Monica sobbed. "But he, he said something thast shows he … doesn't think you're … very bright."

Rachel laughed. "Is that all? Well, maybe he thinks I'm dumb, but I'm not as dumb as _he_ was, to let you get away." She kissed her on the cheek.

Monica produced a watery chuckle and turned her face to kiss Rachel properly. No more was said that evening about Richard, or dumbness, or anything but their love for each other.

Monica slept sound that night, but in the morning Richard's words returned to haunt her. Would they be doing the right thing, bringing up a child without a father? As it was, they had not even finally decided how she was going to conceive, though more and more they were leaning to the idea of using the sperm bank.

Seeing her looking a bit pensive over breakfast, Rachel guessed what was bothering her. "What else did Richard say?" she asked. "He wanted you to marry him, so … did he offer you children?"

Monica drew in a breath sharply. She had forgotten how perceptive Rachel could be sometimes.

"Yes," she admitted, "but there was more. He pointed out that we wouldn't have a Ross to be father to our child."

"Well, that's a real point," said Rachel. "But, Mon, you shouldn't worry too much about it. Our guys will be around, including Ross. Why, he was telling me just the other day that in some African societies the mother's brother is the most important man in a boy's life. That says, to me, that he intends to take a real interest in our child." She smiled affectionately. "And anyway, you might have a girl."

"That's true," said Monica. "I guess Richard still overawes me, and I have this tendency to accept anything he says. By the way, he might drop by on Saturday to see everyone."

"H'm," Rachel went, "doesn't sound as if he's going to give up easily, does it?"

"I told him it wouldn't get him anywhere," said Monica. "You'll be polite to him, won't you?" she added, in sudden alarm, for Rachel was looking a little grim.

Rachel smiled and her face relaxed. "I'll be nice as pie. But if if he shows signs of failing to get the message, I'll, I'll … I'll set Janice on him!" she produced with an air of triumph.

"Mm – I forgot to mention Janice," said Monica. "I can't remember if he knows about her. We were over, by the time Chandler and Janice got together really seriously, that last time."

"It might be interesting to see what he thinks of her," said Rachel ruminatively. "She's far too … mature for Joey, really."

They both sighed. Joey's crush on Janice showed no signs of abating, though she was giving him no encouragement, except that even her usual friendliness seemed to encourage him.

Suddenly Monica caught up with the first part of Rachel's statement. "You're thinking of getting Richard and _Janice_ together?" she gasped. "You cannot be _serious_!" she said in a John McEnroe way.

Rachel grinned. "The best way to stop Richard keeping on at you would be to get him interested in someone else – and Janice could certainly hold her own with him. Besides … doesn't it ever bother you that _Ross_ seems to be showing rather a lot of interest in her?"

"No more than Emily," said Monica. "They're always inviting her round, and Emily is at Janice's so often, Maggie is calling her auntie Emily. And when she's not there, as often as not they're gadding about together."

"Well, I think that's great," said Rachel firmly. "They both need a closer friend than we can be to them. But Ross is showing signs of having a crush on Janice."

Monica nodded. "Yeah, I think you may be right. And when I remember how he could hardly stand her! Maybe we did too good a job on her, and now she's irresistible."

"Not to hear her tell it," said Rachel. "She complains that even the nicest men go cool when they find out she has a three year old daughter."

"It's too bad," said Monica hotly. "She deserves someone nice. But then, Emily deserves a job – "

"And Joey deserves better parts," Rachel chimed in.

"And Phoebe deserves … something that would make her really happy," Monica finished. "Boy, we still have a lot to do for our friends, haven't we?"

"Well, we owe them a lot," said Rachel. "They've been very supportive." She looked at her watch. "Omigod, I'm going to be late! Luckily, I've built up a lot of credit at Ralph Lauren, so I don't suppose they'll kick too much." She jumped up.

"I'm glad you're doing so well in your new job," said Monica. "Mind, I always thought you could do it."

"_Always?_" Rachel queried, grinning. "No, don't answer that. It's how we feel now that counts."

They embraced fervently, and then Rachel took off at a near-run. It was true, Monica found it hard to remember how she had used to think Rachel lazy and thoughtless. Their relationship had brought out unexpected qualities in Rachel, just as, she hoped, it had in her. Certainly, she found herself far less obsessed with trivia and less ferociously competitive than she had used to be.

It occurred to her as she cleared up that Phoebe had not come to breakfast again; she wondered if she was okay. She hardly expected to see Ross and Emily at breakfast, though it had happened once or twice – Emily was a somewhat hit-and-miss housekeeper – and when Kathy was visiting Chandler they and Joey rarely came over. In some ways it was a relief not to have people milling around, but she had to admit that she missed it sometimes.

The phone rang. It was Janice.

"Hey, Monica," she babbled cheerfully. "A little bird told me that some great love of your past is back in town."

"How in hell did you hear that?" said Monica in real surprise.

"Oh, Ross mentioned it, and he had it from your mother. Well, I just wondered … was it difficult for you?"

Monica found herself pouring out the whole story to Janice, grateful for a friendly ear from someone who was not closely involved. Janice made sympathetic noises.

"And the worst thing is," Monica finished, "I remember him as so mature. But he's not taking it at all well."

"Whatever he says, I guess he could have taken it better if you'd married another man," said Janice shrewdly. "But to be cut out by a _woman_! That hits a lot of men right where they live, however liberal they think themselves. So, he might drop in Saturday? Shall I drop in too? I'm curious, to be honest."

"We're always glad to see you, Janice," said Monica sincerely. "But what about Maggie?"

"I'll work out a deal," said Janice confidently. "See you then. Oh, and here's something: when he sees you and Rachel together, he ought to get the message. I've never seen such a pair of _lovebirds_." With a laugh that had more than a trace of her old cackle, she hung up.


	2. Richard Makes Some New Acquaintances

Chapter 2: Richard Makes Some New Acquaintances

When Rachel and Monica arrived at Central Perk late on Saturday afternoon, Janice, Emily and Phoebe were already there, chatting animatedly, while Gunther leaned on the counter, watching them approvingly. All looked up and beamed at the new arrivals, although Monica thought she detected a trace of stiffness in Phoebe's smile.

"Here's all the girls together!" said Emily cheerfully. She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone. "So, have we anything to talk about that we want to keep secret from the men?"

"You've heard about Richard?" said Rachel equally cheerfully. "He's back, and trying to lure my lovely Mon away from me, but she won't go, not even for a baby." She hugged Monica, looking at her adoringly.

"You really ought to get on with it and get yourself pregnant," said Phoebe to Monica rather snappishly. "You've been dithering about it like for ever."

"Now, Pheebs, don't _bully_," said Janice firmly. "It's quite a decision for them to make."

"Well, we have decided, more or less," said Monica. "I don't like to admit it, but Richard's right about one thing, not that he's the first to say it. Neither Chandler nor Joey would be a good father in circumstances like ours."

"If Joey wanted to have children, it would be with Janice anyway," said Emily wickedly, digging Janice in the ribs. Janice gave a great belly laugh and pushed her back in a friendly way. Monica marvelled at how intimately friendly they had become.

Before the topic could be pursued any further, Joey, Chandler and Kathy arrived, closely followed by Ross. Everyone greeted everyone else enthusiastically. Ross seemed particularly happy to see Janice, Monica noticed, but also, to her surprise, Phoebe seemed very pleased to see him, brightening up noticeably at his friendly "Hey, Pheebs!" Uh oh, thought Monica to herself: has Phoebe got a crush on Ross? That's all we need.

Then Richard arrived, to be greeted enthusiastically by Chandler, Joey and Phoebe, more restrainedly by Ross, and rather guardedly by Monica and Rachel. He was introduced to Emily, Kathy and Janice in turn, and gave them all a sample of the old Richard charm. Emily simply smiled politely, but Kathy was clearly overwhelmed, while Janice beamed at him in open approval.

"Hey, Joey!" she said. "You should take some lessons from Dr. Richard Burke here. He's got what your _mature_ woman appreciates – _savoir faire­_." Then she did an old-style Janice laugh and winked at Richard. Not clear whether he was really being complimented or not, he smiled uneasily and said nothing.

"Yeah, that 'How _you_ doin'?' bit is getting, like, _old_," said Phoebe a bit sharply. "You need some new lines."

It was Joey's turn to be disconcerted. He grunted, looking at Phoebe with a rather hurt expression.

"Aw, Joey, don't take it so hard!" she cried. "I'm only trying to help."

"So, Joey, how's the acting profession?" said Richard heartily, in the manner of a kindly uncle.

Joey produced some disjointed comments. Monica got the impression that he felt slightly patronised, and she felt that Richard's questions to others also had a patronising tone to them, as if they were still not fully grown up. But he conspicuously failed to ask Rachel anything, moving on to enquire about Janice's job. This was so transparent an attempt to belittle Rachel that Monica had to turn a giggle into a snort. Rachel looked at her enquiringly, and Monica grinned and jerked her head at Richard, trying to convey the message 'What can you do with the man?' Rachel grinned back, evidently not at all put out.

This by-play did not escape Janice's notice. "Yeah, commercial shoots can be fun," she said in response to a comment of Richard's, "but a lot of it is deadly dull. If we could only get accounts like Ralph Lauren. Any way you could swing that, Rachel?"

Rachel giggled. "I'm far too junior even to get into meetings about our advertising."

"Ah, but my mystic powers say that you will go far," said Phoebe playfully. She too seemed to have noticed Richard's deliberate refusal to ask Rachel about her work. "So remember your old friends when you become a top executive."

"Well, you can start reserving seats in my executive jet now, if you like." said Rachel, playing along, "and we can all go somewhere exciting. Talking of exciting places, whereabouts in Africa were you, Richard?"

Looking a bit embarrassed at the friendliness of her enquiry, and slightly disconcerted at the pointed way that her job had been brought to his notice, Richard explained that he had been working to save children's sight along the Nile, in Egypt and the Sudan. This attracted much outspoken approval from everyone, and the atmosphere became more cordial. Soon Richard was explaining to Emily how he had heard about her wedding.

"I'll bet you got a basinful," said Emily, grinning. "I like Judy, but she does go on a bit when anything to do with Ross comes up. It's a good thing she doesn't really understand anything about his work, or we'd be getting dinosaurs for breakfast, dinner and tea."

"They ruined many a man, the same dinosaurs," remarked Janice casually in an accent that sounded vaguely Irish, with a sly glance at Emily.

"Ah, go on owa that, will ya?" said Emily in a much more Irish voice. "Damn the harm dinysaurs done annybody, bar bein' taken to excess. Sure, a stegysaurus or two wit' yer breakfast never hurt a man."

It was not so much what she said as the way she said it. An air of having spent a lifetime holding forth in bars descended on her, and a spectral glass and cigarette seemed to materialise in her hands. Everyone except Richard burst out laughing. Janice laid her head on Emily's shoulder with a shriek of laughter, crying, "You get me every time," and Ross, after a deep guffaw at the notion of stegosaurus with breakfast, explained to a bemused Richard, "It's this crazy thing they do. Emily started it; she's a great mimic."

"I'll bet I know how your conversation with Judy went," said Emily, with a wicked look at Richard, and she proceeded to give an accomplished impersonation of Judy Geller holding forth about Ross, to whom she attributed an increasingly implausible variety of accomplishments, to growing laughter from her audience, before saying, "Monica? What do you want to know about her for? Oh yes, of course," her voice became arch, "she was your 'twinkie in the city', wasn't she? Well, I'm afraid you're in for a disappointment – she's _married_. Who to? Oh to Rachel, _dear_ girl – she's doing quite well at Ralph Lauren. Yes, it was a lesbian wedding, but that's better than nothing at all, don't you agree?" She caught Judy Geller's half affectionate, half dismissive attitude to her daughter perfectly, and even Richard was laughing hard by the end.

"You shouldn't make us laugh so much, Emily," said Rachel happily. "It _hurts_."

"Sure, ishn't laughter the besht cure inna world, after whishky?" said Emily, contriving to sound even more drink-sodden than before.

"You said it," cried Janice, throwing her arms round her and giving her a hug. "But I know another good cure, and that's _food_. Poor Joey over there probably hasn't eaten for at least two hours, and if we don't get him to some food soon he'll start eating _us_."

Naturally, Joey was the first to start laughing at the obvious innuendo, while Janice increased the hilarity by putting on an air of innocent surprise, though she could not maintain it and broke down into helpless giggles.

"You're a wicked woman, Janice," said Emily, digging her in the ribs again, "but you're right about food. I'm _starving_."

After a quick discussion they settled on Italian food, called around for a reservation, and then set out. With no one obviously objecting, Richard included himself in the party. Finding himself next to Chandler, he said quietly, "Those two seem to have stolen your thunder."

Chandler stared at him, clearly not catching his meaning for a moment, then said, "Oh, you mean the jokes and stuff? I still make jokes, but … I don't feel the need so much. You'll notice, people laugh a lot more at Emily's stuff anyway. We're all a lot less on edge – happier, in fact."

"Well, you may be happier," said Richard, "and I guess Ross and Emily seem happy enough, and if I were married to Monica I'd be happy, so that covers Rachel, but what about Joey and Phoebe? And is Monica _really_ happy?"

Chandler looked at him in surprise. "I've never seen her happier – never. She's so relaxed nowadays, it's hard to remember what she could be like." He moved closer to Richard, his face serious. "Look, Richard, I know it's hard to believe, but you have to accept it, as I have done. Monica and Rachel are deeply in love, and very happy together."

Richard's face screwed up, as if he had tasted something sour. "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings … I never thought you'd be giving me advice about relationships. Okay, let's talk about something else. What's the deal with this Janice? How did she get mixed up with you all?"

"I used to date her," Chandler began, and as they walked to the restaurant he told Richard almost the whole story, omitting his bet with Joey but mentioning Joey's current crush on her.

"Sounds as if you might still have feelings for her," Richard commented at the end.

Chandler looked rather panicky all of a sudden. "Don't say that too loud. I … well, maybe I do, a bit. She's changed, too, very much for the better. But she's not interested in me any more, and perhaps that's just as well."

"She seems … very lively," said Richard noncommittally.

"She and Emily are like that when they're together," said Chandler, "but these days she's not so loud and brash as she used to be, when you get her on her own. And she has a good brain, and knows about lots of things – you just ask Ross. She can talk his kind of stuff, enough to hold her own with him anyway, and she has a good knowledge of art, and she has lots of other interests."

"Really?" said Richard, suddenly feeling more interested. He made a point of sitting next to Janice at the meal, and when he got the chance asked about her daughter, whom he had heard mentioned. This was always the best way to get Janice's attention, and they began a lively conversation, Richard calling on his memories of his daughter at Maggie's age. He found Janice definitely good company, and felt unwilling to admit to having grandchildren, afraid that it would make him seem really old to her.

Joey watched them jealously. As usual, he had missed a lot of the significance of the exchanges in Central Perk, but he had taken aboard the idea that Richard was still interested in Monica – and now here he was, apparently trying to attract Janice! A man with grandchildren ought not to chasing women young enough to be his daughter, Joey thought fiercely. Hey, that was an idea.

"How are your grandchildren, Richard?" he said suddenly, cutting into their conversation. "They must be about Maggie's age."

Richard looked slightly discomfited, and Janice was definitely surprised. "You have _grandchildren_?" she said to Richard. "You look too young for that." A sly look appeared on her face. "Was yours a _teenage romance_?" Reverting to something like old Janice-speak, she invested the words with such an aura of illicit love that several of those in earshot had to turn away or bite their lips to avoid showing their amusement. Emily made a choking noise and hastily grabbed a glass of water.

"Well, we were high school sweethearts, and I suppose we did marry and start having children rather young, by today's standards," said Richard rather stiffly. "So did Michelle, my daughter."

"Ah well, grandparents have it easy," said Janice cheerfully. "That is, if they can avoid getting _blackmailed_ into taking care of the kids while the parents are off somewhere." She laughed. "I exploit my parents rather, but I have an excuse, with no husband to share the child minding. Does your daughter dump her kids on you at all?"

"Ah, no," said Richard, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

"A pleasure in store, maybe," Janice continued blithely. "Still, seeing her through pregnancy and the early days will have given you some appreciation of what we all hope Monica will be going through soon." She turned to beam at Monica. "Of course, she'll have great support from Rachel," she said to Richard in a lower voice. "I do think they're cute together, don't you?"

Emily had been going red in the face with the effort of suppressing giggles at Janice's very subtle ribbing of Richard, which seemed to have the serious aim of reminding him all the time that he belonged to an older generation. Now she could stand it no longer, and broke into open laughter, to the considerable surprise of Ross beside her.

"What's the joke, Emily?" asked Joey, who had not been following what was going on at all and welcomed anything to laugh at.

Emily waved a hand and drank deeply from her water glass, giving herself time to answer. "It was one of those train of thought things," she said. "I wound up with this song by the Dubliners, _Maids, When You're Young, Never Wed an Old Man,_ and I was remembering the words, which are quite funny in places."

"You'll have to sing it for us some time," said Ross indulgently.

"I'd like you to sing it now," said Joey, eager to hear a song that would put Richard in his place.

"Joey, there are other people here," Emily pointed out. "I doubt they want to hear me sing."

"You guys should all lay off Richard," said Rachel rather sternly, leaning down from further up the table. "He's not _old_ old, he's just older than us."

Emily pretended to look chastened, but caught Janice's eye; they both giggled a little. Richard was grateful for Rachel's intervention, even though it caused him considerable chagrin to be rescued by the woman who had supplanted him in Monica's affections. But it only served to underline the point that he was out of his element. It was one thing to be with Monica on her own, quite another to see her with a group of her friends. They all seemed so goddam _young_! Even Ross and Janice, who as parents had to take a more adult view of life, seemed to behave rather frivolously when in company with friends who had no such responsibilities. Feeling slightly depressed, he announced that he had a long day ahead tomorrow and would take off now, if he could settle up later.

"Drop by again," said Janice, smiling at him in a truly friendly way. "Say, why don't I give you my card?" She dug one out of her purse and handed it up. He thanked her, said goodbye to everyone, and walked off thinking quite deeply about his impressions of the group, not that he had met them again.

He had been trying to observe Monica and Rachel's behaviour towards each other, and though it hurt to admit it, it was perfectly clear that they _did_ love each other. It was also clear that they and their female friends formed a pretty tight-knit group, very supportive and protective of each other, and so he would have run into fierce and concerted opposition if he had tried to detach Monica from Rachel, even if she had been interested. But she hadn't been. He sighed very deeply. That was that, then. It was finally over, as irrevocably as it could be, unless there was some drastic change in the situation. So now what was he going to do, with his basic reason for coming back to New York gone?

To distract himself from that disspiriting topic, he gave some thought to the new members of the group. Kathy was not very exciting on a first encounter, just another minor actress. She seemed to suit Chandler well enough, although he was not sure he could see that relationship lasting. But for different reasons he found both Emily and Janice interesting. He wondered if Emily's almost compulsive liveliness was concealing unhappiness, or at least discontent. It would take a special person, he felt, to find Ross an entirely satisfactory husband, and he was not sure that Emily was that person, but he had had less chance to assess her character than with Janice. 

As for Janice, he found her attractive, lively, and able to converse maturely. She could not be more than a year or so older than the others, yet he found her more on his wavelength, more like a true adult, than any of them, for all her fooling around with Emily. He supposed she had had to mature quickly, having got divorced, without the support that Ross had had, and having to bring up a child on her own. But although she might be fundamentally more serious than the others, she still displayed signs of a larger than life personality that he might find wearing if exposed to it constantly, and she had not had the experience that he had of all that life could throw at you.

He realised that he was trying to argue himself out of asking Janice for a date. Yet she had seemed prepared to be interested in him, in spite of her subtle ribbing. Perhaps this had been gentle revenge for his concealing the existence his grandchildren, who were indeed very close in age to her Maggie – Barbara must have been born very close in time to her, while Henry was not much more than two years older.

He sighed again. Like the older women whom he had dated after Monica, Janice had been through a divorce and so her attitude to men was bound to be slightly prejudiced and distrustful. Monica had not been like that, despite her series of failed relationships. He groaned and cursed aloud as once again he recognised his folly in letting her slip through his fingers. Could anyone replace her, let alone Janice?


	3. Various Illuminating Conversations

Chapter 3: Various Illuminating Conversations

Monica woke, feeling full of energy, as she generally was in the mornings, and hitched herself up to look down at her partner, still sound asleep. Once again she blessed the luck that had brought them together. She did not think she could ever tire of looking at Rachel's sweet face, now relaxed and smiling in her sleep. An answering smile, rather more wicked, appeared on Monica's face. It was no wonder Rachel looked happy, after their activities last night. Really, sometimes they were no better than a pair of horny teenagers discovering sex for the first time.  But it was great to be feeling this way still when they had been together for well over a year and married for several months. She came close to leaning down to kiss Rachel's inviting lips, but managed to restrain herself. Rachel was often grumpy in the mornings, and particularly disliked being woken up before she was ready.

So Monica lay back and thought about things. There was plenty to occupy her mind. What was up with Phoebe? Did Ross really have a crush on Janice, and, for that matter, did Janice have a crush on Emily? There was something there between Janice and Emily, she was almost sure. And what about Richard? He was back in her life, if on very different terms, and although she found no trace within herself of the love that she had once felt for him, she did wish him well and want him to be happy. He might make a good match for Janice, and she was sure he would be a good father. That thought suddenly started another in her, and she had a new and very interesting idea. It was so interesting that she came close to waking Rachel up to tell her about it, but again she had second thoughts. Rachel might need a lot of persuasion to agree to this one, and it would not be politic to start by waking her up ahead of time. So she got up, made herself a coffee, and sat at the kitchen table, planning her approach.

Presently Rachel shuffled in yawning. "Morning, hun," she said, smiling at Monica. "What's got you up so bright and early?"

"I was thinking," said Monica, "and I had an idea, about how I should get pregnant. But I think you might want to get washed and dressed before we discuss it."

"Okay," said Rachel. Her eyes glinted. "Shower together?"

"Right!" said Monica, happily putting down her coffee and going to join her.

Rather later, giggling a little but prepared for the day, they returned to make breakfast. Once Rachel was seated with her coffee and a bowl of cereal – Monica insisted that she eat something at breakfast, saying starting a long day on nothing but coffee was not good for her and would diminish her ability to work – she looked across at Monica and smiled. "Okay, what's this great idea of yours?"

Monica swallowed. Suddenly she was not at all sure that Rachel would take this well.

"Um, we, we, um, er, we … askRichardtoprovidethesperm!" she shot out finally.

Rachel froze for a moment, then set her mug down very carefully. "Tell me why this is a good idea," she said quietly.

"Well, it, it will …" Monica ground to a halt. Why had she thought it such a good idea? She realised that she had just thought of it as a way of patching things up with Richard and keeping him in her life.

"You wanted to give Richard something, didn't you?" said Rachel, echoing Monica's thoughts. "How did you think I would feel about that?" Her voice was still quiet, but with a definite edge.

"Sweetie, I swear I no longer have _any_ feelings for him," said Monica very earnestly. "But he was the man I loved most, of all the lovers I've had, and I thought … it would be a way of saying thank you for what I had with him."

"But what this is doing, is continuing the relationship with him in another way," said Rachel perceptively. "I guess he's bound to want a say in the child's upbringing." She paused, while Monica watched her anxiously. Then she sighed. "You _really_ want to do this?"

Monica looked at her uneasily. "I, I … you're probably right, but I would like to do this, yes," she said haltingly.

Rachel looked at her directly, her eyes unreadable. Then she produced a reluctant smile. "Okay, go ahead and try," she said, "but personally, I bet he'll say no. I'm not sure any man would want to do this for an old lover that he's still hung up on, but who wants nothing more to do with him."

Monica jumped up and ran round to hug her. "Thank you, sweetie," she said. "I promise I'll make him be nice to you and not cut you out of the parenting or anything like that."

"I'd like to see him try," said Rachel rather belligerently. "At the very least, I expect him to behave like Ross does with Carol and Susan, except that I would rather he wasn't edgy with me the way Ross used to be with Susan, though he's better now."

"Sure, sure, sure," said Monica. "Now, I should get something ready for dinner before I head off to Alessandro's. For being so nice about this, you get to pick."

Rachel smiled at her in a more relaxed way. "Can I have that oven-fried chicken with parmesan, and cream sauce, and Pommes Anna and green beans?" she asked eagerly.

"No problem," said Monica. "That's a fairly easy meal. I can get some things ready now." She started rooting in the freezer compartment for chicken joints.

"Great!" said Rachel enthusiastically. "Ooh, I'll be thinking about it all day. Maybe I'll ring up Emily and make her jealous." She giggled.

"Yeah, Emily," said Monica pensively. "Rach, do you think there's anything between Janice and Emily?" As Rachel looked at her in surprise, she added, "They seem very intimate and … rather physical with each other."

"Wow!" said Rachel, her eyes wide. "Janice and Emily? That's a show-stopper." She shook her head. "I agree, they do seem to be _very _touchy-feely." Suddenly she looked worried. "Oh God, Mon, we can't have a _second_ wife of Ross's turning lesbian on him! That would be just _awful_."

"I know, sweetie," said Monica rather gloomily, "but you know as well as I do, you can't stop these things – you can only try to limit the damage. Which brings up another thing: what do _you_ think is up with Phoebe? She's making more fuss about our baby than we are – and she also seems to have a thing about Ross."

"Yeah?" said Rachel interestedly. "I admit, I hadn't noticed that, but I did pick up on the baby thing. Do you think she's getting desperate for one of her own? It was very hard for her to give the triplets up, you remember. I'm not sure she's ever completely got over it."

Monica sighed. "Seems only too likely. Oh well, we'll just have to be supportive. You'd better be getting off to work soon, sweetie."

"Oh yeah!" said Rachel, looking at her watch. She ran off to the bathroom to brush her teeth, then came hurrying back, grabbed her bag and coat, and moved to give Monica a hug.

"I can handle it, if Richard says yes," she murmured. "But if he says no, just go to the sperm bank, okay? Don't try to change his mind. I don't want us to wait much longer."

"Okay, sweetie," said Monica, very happy that Rachel should be willing to go along with this. "Have a good day at work."

-----

"I couldn't say no to her, Emily," said Rachel over the phone. "She obviously wants to have Richard's child, as a kind of permanent memorial to their relationship."

"It's playing with fire," said Emily, quite firmly. "But I can sympathise with you. It is difficult to refuse things to the person who you love, and who loves you. Well, we'll just have to hope he won't do it."

Rachel sighed. "I guess. So, anyway, how are things going with you?"

"Oh," said Emily, as if it had not occurred to her that she would be asked this. "Well, um … oh yes, Janice has said that she's going to see if she can get me a job!" Suddenly she sounded excited. "She has all kinds of contacts. Isn't that nice of her?"

"You seem to have become very good friends," Rachel remarked casually.

"Oh, the _best_!" Emily enthused. "It's not that I don't value the friendship that you and Monica and Phoebe give me, but somehow Janice and I have really clicked."

"And how's Ross?" Rachel asked. "He likes Janice too now, doesn't he?"

"Oh yes, they get along very well," said Emily. "She really puts herself out to talk to him about things that he's interested in, which I find so _admirable_ in her. To be honest, I _can't_ get interested in palaeontology and all that beyond a certain point – which is about one minute into one of Ross's monologues." She giggled infectiously, and Rachel joined in. "But now he has Janice to tell everything to, he's much better about not boring me with it."

"Yeah, I used to find Ross hard to take when he wanted to tell me things," said Rachel, smiling at the memories. "But he has so many other good qualities."

"Yes," said Emily, "he's a very good husband." A certain enthusiasm seemed to be lacking in her voice.

"Emily," said Rachel with some seriousness, "everything is okay between you two, isn't it? I wouldn't ask, except that we have wondered if … something was bothering you."

There was a short silence, and then Emily sighed. "There _is_ something … or rather, two things.  The most evident is that he's eager to start a family, so he's not keen on the idea of my getting a full-time job. The other is, I don't like to say this, but it seems to me that Phoebe gets very close to coming on to him sometimes – and it's not just silly flirting, the way men and women do with each other – and either he doesn't notice, or he doesn't mind. And this goes with … well, it's hard to describe, but sometimes I think he's not really _there_, he's off in his mind somewhere, and _not_ with me. He seems to switch between these: he will seem distant, and then he will get all eager about starting a family."

"Mm," went Rachel. "To be honest, Emily, I don't want to worry you, but I don't like the sound of that. Seems to me, he could be eager to start a family to kind of force himself to focus on his marriage to you and stop straying in his mind. Do you think he's thinking about Phoebe when he goes off like that – or could it even be Janice?"

"You think he has a crush on _Janice_?" said Emily, sounding alarmed.

"I have begun to think so, and Monica agrees it looks like it," said Rachel. "It's almost like we did too good a job on her. There's Joey, and the way Gunther looks at her sometimes, I think he's another – "

"Oh, this is terrible!" Emily broke in, sounding tearful. "She's my best friend. I don't want to stop inviting her round – she doesn't get out all that much, you know, and she really enjoys it, and I love having her visit. Is, is there _anything_ we can do?" She seemed almost distraught.

"Certainly don't stop inviting her round," said Rachel. "That wouldn't solve anything, since he would still see her at our Saturday evening get-togethers, and any time they're both in Central Perk. Could you maybe tell her very gently that we think Ross has a crush on her and it would be a good thing if she discouraged it some way? Maybe she could get conspicuously interested in someone else – like Richard, for instance."

"I suppose I could," said Emily dubiously.

"Try it," said Rachel briskly, for she had perceived that her boss Kim, who had come in a minute or two previously, was fixing a beady glance on her and knew that she ought to get on with her work. "Look, I've got to go, but … ring this evening if you want to talk some more."

"All right," said Emily, and rang off.

Rachel looked apologetically at Kim. "Sorry, but … problems."

Kim smiled a little. "Not between you and Monica, I hope?"

"Not really," said Rachel. "It's her brother, who's married to Emily."

"Ah yes, the English girl," said Kim, who had found out a good deal about Rachel's circle in a short time by well-placed questions. "Well, okay, we all use the firm's time sometimes, but don't do it too often, Rachel, please." Suddenly she smiled. "How's the great pregnancy project?"

"Well, that's our problem," said Rachel, "but it's not such an important one. You remember about Richard?"

"Sure, the grand passion of Monica's life before you got together," said Kim, "and he came back, and she said no, very firmly."

"Yes," said Rachel softly, savouring the memory. "She … she really loves me." Suddenly overcome with emotion, she fumbled for a tissue, and dabbed at her eyes hastily.

Kim looked at her sympathetically. "However much you think your partner loves you, it's always great to have it confirmed. So, something new about Richard?"

"She wants to ask him to provide the sperm for the baby," said Rachel rather bleakly.

Kim looked startled. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I know," said Rachel miserably, "but, I was saying to Emily, how could I say no to her? She seems quite set on it, though she only thought of it this morning. And if he agrees, it means I'll always have him around looking down on me because I'm not smart!" She wiped away another tear that had suddenly appeared.

"The man's an intellectual snob," Kim snapped. "You're plenty smart for our business, but I suppose he would think us all frivolous nitwits. Okay, now I'm up to speed on things, so let's both use our smarts to get on with some work." She smiled in a way that robbed the comment of any real sting.

"Sure, Kim," said Rachel, "and – thanks for letting me talk about it."

Kim smiled. "My boss used to get me talking about my relationships and friends when I was in the same kind of position as you," she said. "I found it very good for clearing my mind. Maybe that was why she did it. Although I must say, nothing my friends and I did was anything like as … remarkable as what you and your friends seem to become involved in all the time."

Rachel giggled, feeling much better. She did not mind that Kim seemed to treat her life and that of her friends as a kind of soap opera and was always after her for fresh information. It helped them to get on. Her mind eased by her talks with Emily and Kim, she began to apply herself wholeheartedly to her work.

-----

Joey and Phoebe sat together in Central Perk. Since both worked irregular hours, they were now the ones most often to be found there. Emily and Janice had used to drop in frequently, but now, as Joey was complaining to Phoebe, they always seemed to be off somewhere together.

"It's like they're joined at the hip," he said moodily. "I like Emily, but I don't want to have her around all the time, especially when I'm trying to get Janice interested in me. Anyway, they're always doing their imitations and stuff when they're here together, or talking about something I know nothing about, and I can hardly get a word in."

Phoebe looked sympathetic. "You really have got a case over Janice, don't you?"

"I think of her all the time," said Joey in anguished tones. "I hardly date other girls any more. I just can't seem to get interested enough in them to put the work in."

"She really has got rings through everyone's noses," said Phoebe rather cattily. "You, Ross, Emily, Gunther – you've all got crushes on her. I'm not sure even Ch – "

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" interrupted Joey. "Emily – yeah, I can believe that, and Gunther too, the way he looks at her – but you're saying _Ross_ has a crush on her too?"

"Uh-huh," said Phoebe. "It sticks out a mile sometimes. He loves the way she'll talk to him about his dinosaurs and geological ages and all. I'm not saying she, y'know, _encourages_ it exactly, but she's not doing anything to stop it. And if I had to guess who _she_ has a crush on, I'd say … Emily. And probably that's why she doesn't discourage Ross, so she can go on being invited round to their apartment."

"Wow!" Joey said slowly, on a long outbreath. "You're so good at spotting these things, Pheebs. So, you think she's just stringing me along?"

Phoebe was silent for a moment. She was deciding how far she wanted to go. As far as she could see, Joey's chances with Janice were too small to be worth mentioning, but she did not want to create any real tension in the group.

"Joey," she said kindly, "you ought to take more notice. She's friendly to you, but then she's friendly to all of us.  I think she really values being a member of a group like ours. But I have to be fair to her: she's not doing a thing that a woman would, like, recognise as encouragement. You just have to accept that she's not interested in you that way."

"Aw _shit_!" said Joey, viciously punching the back of the couch where they were sitting. "Just my luck! When I get really interested in a woman, it never works out. Kate went off to LA, and Janice doesn't want me." Suddenly he sat up straight and looked decisive. "I'm gonna go out and find a date tonight, and if I can't I'm gonna go to a strip club. I'll see if I can get Chandler and Kathy to come along. Do you want to make a fourth, Pheebs?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, why not? Let's go out and, like, drown our sorrows together!"

"Why, what sorrows do you have, Pheebs?" said Joey, suddenly concerned for his friend.

"Never you mind," she replied. "It's something I can't tell people just now. Maybe some day … but not now."

-----

Will Richard agree to Monica's proposal? Will Joey get over Janice? What is going on between Janice and Emily? Will Ross and Emily sort out their problems? What is bothering Phoebe? Future chapters will reveal answers to these and other questions.


	4. In Which a Decision is Finally Made, and...

Chapter 4: In Which A Decision Is Finally Made, and Some Secrets Are Revealed

 [Author's Note: for the events referred to by Phoebe at the beginning, see True Love]

"And we had a better time than he did!" Phoebe cried triumphantly. "Just like we're doing now."

She beamed at Joey and Kathy, who beamed back. Joey had quickly realised that his prospects of lining up a date were severely hampered by being in a party with two women, so he had shelved the idea and led them all to a strip club that he remembered fondly. Phoebe and Kathy had entered into the spirit of the thing at once, but Chandler had been too embarrassed to let go in their presence. Phoebe was recalling the time when she, Monica and Rachel had taken Chandler to a club to help him get over the original breakup with Kathy, and had found some of the girls very attractive. She was on her fourth Mimosa, and getting livelier by the minute.

"Yeah, I remember now!" she cried. "It was two of those strippers that you got to spank Monica and Rachel that time, when they took their apartment back and you made them pay like a forfeit, and that all kinda kickstarted their romance."

"Phoebe, for God's sake!" Chandler protested, but at the same time Kathy cried, "I never heard about all that! Dish the dirt, Phoebe."

Phoebe needed no further encouragement. She began telling the story, appealing to Chandler and Joey for confirmation of various details. Joey cooperated eagerly, evidently feeling no shame at all about it, while Chandler sat glowering, feeling more and more acutely embarrassed, as well as worried about the glances Kathy kept giving him.

"It was all meant to be forgiven and forgotten," he complained, at a moment when Phoebe had paused to refresh herself.

"Forgiven, yes," said Phoebe, "but who could forget such a great story? Anyway, they told me what happened next …" She went on to recount how Monica had come on to one of the strippers and eventually made love with her, while Rachel had kissed the other but not gone much further.

"Aw man!" said Joey in loud disappointment. "You mean Rach didn't do anything? You've spoiled one of my greatest fantasies."

Phoebe waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, Monica had, like, gotten in touch with her bi side, and realised what was between her and Rachel deep down, and she had the nerve to bring it out into the open."

Kathy sighed. "How sweet! So, Chandler and Joey, you guys played cupid without realising it."

"Yeah, and we got to see them nearly naked," said Joey with a lascivious grin. He too had had a fair amount to drink.

"Joey, you're _disgusting_!" Chandler shouted. "It's not an episode I'm proud of now."

"But they _have_ forgiven you, and they got us together again," said Kathy, throwing her arms round him.

"Ooh! Ooh!" cried Phoebe. "Look at these hot babes!"

A nicely contrasted blonde and brunette pair had come out to do a synchronised strip. As it proceeded, Phoebe in particular showed enthusiasm to an extent that surprised the others, wolf-whistling, cheering and stuffing notes in the girls' g-strings when, perceiving a likely tipper, they came close to her. She noticed her friends' surprise, giggled, and swallowed the rest of her latest drink, of which she had only consumed half, with a flourish.

"Sh'll I tell you why I like these two s'mush?" she said, banging the glass down and sounding much drunker all of a sudden.

"Yeah, Pheebs," cried Kathy, and Joey said, "Yeah, go on, Phoebe, tell us why."

Phoebe looked around slyly and lowered her voice. "They remin' me of Rashel and Monica," she said conspiratorially. "Sometimes I could _kick_ myself for never making a pass at either of 'em, when I hadda chances." She nodded. "Oh yeah, when I lived with Mon, and later when Rashel lived wi' me, I hadda chances. But I never hadda nerve." Suddenly she seemed sad, shaking her head and looking down into her glass. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Thash too bad, Pheebsh," said Joey, who also seemed to have got much drunker. "Hey, maybe you 'n' me should try 'n' doubledate thoshe two shtrippersh."

Her mood changing dramatically, Phoebe shrieked with laughter and dug him in the ribs. "A new fantasy for you, eh, Joe? Never gonna happen." She shook her head several times and giggled.

"Can' blame a man for trying," Joey replied, grinning. "I've had threeshomes, but there was no girl-on-girl shtuff, jush two girls 'n' me." He looked proud.

"Guys, I'm really not enjoying this very much," said Chandler ill-temperedly. "What say we split?"

"Lesh go home 'n' shee Mon and Rash," Joey cried. "Maybe we could shurprise 'em doing shomething _naughty_!"

"Great idea!" cried Phoebe wildly, throwing an arm round his shoulder. Chandler looked despairingly at Kathy. "We'd better stick with them and make sure they don't misbehave," he said.

Kathy nodded. To Chandler's relief she did not seem nearly as drunk as the other two. "Fine with me. I was planning to stay over anyway." She winked at him. Heartened, he smiled back.

Getting Joey and Phoebe out of the strip club and into a cab was easier said than done, as they were drunk enough to be unsteady on their feet, and Phoebe was continuing her alarming mood swings. At one moment she was exclaiming sentimentally over what a sweet couple Monica and Rachel made, only to be saying rather fiercely next minute that she wished they would get on and _have_ their damn baby.

"They got alla opportunities, an' they shilly shally aroun'," she complained bitterly. "Whereas … I wanna baby, but I got no way to get one."

"How 'bout _I_ give you a baby, Pheebsh?" said Joey enthusiastically, throwing an arm around her. To Chandler's alarm, he looked in earnest.

Phoebe seemed to give this serious consideration for a moment. Then she laughed and tousled Joey's head. "No, you're too close to a baby yourself," she said affectionately, and went into a fit of laughter. Joey looked very offended and removed his arm. 

"In fact, if I could choose who'd father my baby," Phoebe continued in a rather dreamy voice, "I'd choose – " and then she saw them all looking at her and said hastily, "No, never mind."

When they reached the apartment block, Joey and Phoebe went tearing up the stairs whooping like a couple of kids, but Chandler and Kathy soon caught them up, bent over gasping on the second landing. They were evidently feeling further effects of too much drink.

Kathy laughed. "Let that be a lesson to you," she said. "You can't run hard when you're full of booze. Now, we're _not_ going to burst on Monica and Rachel like a bunch of ill-mannered kids, are we? We'll just knock like normal people."

Looking a bit shamefaced, Joey and Phoebe nodded and trailed after her and Chandler.

When Kathy knocked, there was no immediate answer. She waited, looking a little surprised, then knocked again. Rachel's voice called, "It's open." She sounded rather odd.

They went in, Joey and Phoebe jumping forward to cry "Surprise!" boisterously. But they froze just inside the room. Following, Chandler and Kathy saw that Monica was kneeling on the floor with her head in Rachel's lap. She turned a face streaming with tears towards them. Rachel, cuddling her and stroking her hair, also had tear-tracks down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" cried Phoebe.

"That bastard Richard," said Rachel bitterly.

"Why, what's he done?" said Chandler angrily, pushing forward.

"We had agreed that Monica would ask him to father her child," said Rachel slowly. The listeners all drew in a breath. "And do you know what the bastard does?" She looked at them balefully. They shook their heads. "He says okay, fine, great, but he wants to do it the 'natural way'!" she spat out.

There was a stunned silence. Then Joey, looking bewildered, said, "What'sh sho wrong with that? It'sh mush more fun."

Rachel drew in a deep breath, looking furious, then let it out again. "Joey, can't you see?" she said in tones of only mild exasperation. "The point is, Monica doesn't _want _to be having 'fun' with Richard. She just wants him to produce sperm for a baby. But clearly _he_ hopes that if he can get her into bed with him, she'll fall for him again and come back to him. It's, it's so insulting to her, it totally ignores our commitment to each other … ooh, I could _shoot_ him!" She let out a single loud sob of apparent rage.

Monica wailed, "It would have been a way to have a _special_ friend as the father. I would have _liked_ that." But by now she was regaining control of herself and sat up, wiping her eyes. "I suppose it'll have to be the sperm bank," she said dully.

Chandler found himself stepping forward. "I know you had decided not to use me or Joey," he said, "But I'd like you to reconsider. I am totally ready to do this, the way you want. And if you'd like me to beat up Richard too, Joey and I can try it!" He smacked his hands together for emphasis.

Monica and Rachel produced watery giggles. Then Monica looked directly at Chandler and saw that he was completely serious.

"What about Kathy?" she said doubtfully.

"I'm sure she will understand," said Chandler, at the same moment as Kathy said, "I don't mind, honestly."

Monica got up, came forward and hugged Chandler tightly, sobbing a little again. "Okay, Chandler, I'll accept your offer," she said, "and thank you so _very_ much. You're a _real_ friend." She smiled at him from tear-filled eyes.

"Wheee!" cried Phoebe, jumping up and down. "Monica and Chandler are gonna have a baby! Let's shel … celebrate!"

"Seems to me you've done enough celebrating already," said Rachel humorously as she came over and threw her arms round Chandler too. Then she turned and hugged Kathy. "It's very good of you to be so ready to accept this."

"Yeah!" cried Monica, and threw herself on Kathy, shedding tears again.

"You've done a lot for us," said Kathy, clearly moved by their gratitude. "Just don't expect Chandler to do night bottle feeds."

Monica giggled. "I wouldn't have, anyway," she said. "Natural feeding for me; it's so much better for the baby, all the books say so. But you can change diapers and bathe the baby if you want to, Chandler. Of course, now is when we'll find out if I can conceive, and all that."

"I foresee no problems," cried Phoebe in prophetic mode. "Let's have a drink on it."

"Yeah!" cried Joey joyfully. "The firsht real baby of the group!" When they looked at him he explained, "Ben doeshn't count, ash Carol'sh not really one of ush."

Deciding to let this go, Rachel said severely, "No drinks, but I'll make some of our best coffee and get out the cookie jar."

"Ooh, cookiesh!" cried Joey. "Thash jusht ash good."

Chandler turned to Kathy. "Sorry to jump in without consulting you, but I felt I had to do it."

"You did the right thing, Chandler," she said, beaming at him. "I'm actually proud of you."

While Rachel started getting the coffee on, the others sat down in a glow of good feeling, marred only by Phoebe's hasty departure for the bathroom. She returned in a while, looking pale, and asked in a subdued tone if she could stay the night.

"I don't think I'm in a fit state to get home," she explained as she collapsed into a chair.

"Sure you can stay, Pheebs," said Monica. "Just go to the spare bedroom whenever you feel like it."

Joey had been sitting quietly, but his face had been changing from a happy to a glowering expression. Suddenly he said, "I hope you tole Rishard where to put it."

Monica shook her head. "I just dropped the phone and broke down. To have so little respect for our marriage … he's not the man I thought he was."

"He's clearly obsessed with you," said Rachel, putting an arm round her shoulder. "It's … warped him."

"Well, he better not come roun' Shentral Perk anymore," Joey announced fiercely. "I'll beat hish head in, for making you cry."

"You'll have to stand in line," said Phoebe darkly. "Say, do you think you ought to tell Janice? She was showing some interest in him."

Monica looked over at Rachel, who nodded. "Yeah, and we should tell Ross and Emily too."

"I know what else should be done," said Chandler. "Can I use the phone?"

Intrigued, Monica passed it to him. Chandler tapped in a number, listened for a moment, then said in a clear unhesitating voice, "Richard, this is Chandler. I'm ringing to say that you won't be welcome in Central Perk, and I doubt if Monica will want to see you ever again. If they still fought duels, I'd call you out for such ungentlemanly conduct. Goodbye."

He rang off and looked round, not triumphantly, but with the air of one who has completed a distasteful task. "Got his answer phone," he said, "so he'll hear it all. It had to be done."

"My hero!" cried Monica, throwing her arms round him and kissing him on the cheek.

"Go easy, Mon," he said, looking embarrassed, "or Kathy will think you have designs on me and not just my sperm."

"Sorry," she said, moving away again and glancing apologetically at Kathy, "but you've made me feel so much better. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't actually mind doing it with _you_ the 'natural way' … but that would make Rachel unhappy, and you should reserve that sort of babymaking for Kathy anyway."

Kathy giggled a bit nervously. "We haven't got that far."

"So, what did you guys get up to this evening?" said Rachel hastily, hoping to cover a rather awkward moment. Luckily, Joey needed no further encouragement, and soon he had to be halted in what was promising to be a blow-by-blow account of each successive strip act.

Not much later, the party broke up. Chandler and Kathy took charge of Joey, who was now very much the worse for wear, while Monica and Rachel saw Phoebe to bed, and then got ready themselves.

"I think you made a good decision, Mon," said Rachel. "Chandler showed up well tonight."

"Yes," said Monica, "I think he'll make a good father, after all."

-----

"He _what_?" cried Janice, so loudly that Rachel held the phone away from her ear. "Why, the self-centred son of a _bitch_! Couldn't he see what a _great_ thing she was offering him? Okay, that does it. He can crawl on hands and _knees _for a date and he won't get one. Have you got his number? I'd like to give him a piece of my _mind_."

"There's no need to go that far," said Rachel, rather entertained by Janice's fierceness, "though I do appreciate your attitude."

"You girls have been very good to me," said Janice seriously. "My life has _so_ changed since you decided to tell me the _truth_ about Chandler and everything. I might never even have met Emily, if it hadn't been for that."

"You're very close to Emily, aren't you?" said Rachel carefully.

There was a silence at the other end, then a very quiet "Oh God,"  then more silence.

"Janice?" said Rachel, suddenly worried. "Are you okay?"

Janice produced a very deep sigh. "Physically, yes, I'm A-okay. Mentally … not so good."

"Do you want to talk about it?" said Rachel sympathetically.

"Could I come to see you and Monica?" Janice asked rather humbly. "I like to talk face to face, and it's something that will be of concern to Monica."

"Of course you can, but it'll have to be at the weekend," Rachel said. "We're generally not free until late in the evening, and you won't want to leave Maggie then."

"Could I maybe bring her Saturday morning for coffee and cookies?" Janice asked.

"Cookies shall be piled high," Rachel promised. "Hey, before I forget, we got off the original subject, which is that Chandler offered to provide sperm for Monica's baby, and we've accepted, and I–can't-talk-any-more-because-here-comes-Kim-back-from-her-smoking-break," she shot out very fast and put the phone down hastily, to the sound of Janice's laughter.

She had not been fast enough for Kim, who grinned a bit ironically. "More problems?"

"I was, um, telling Janice about the Richard business," said Rachel.

"Ah yes, Janice, your makeover success," said Kim. "I take it you don't envision matching him with her now?"

"Hell no!" cried Rachel fiercely. "The only thing I envision for Richard is running him out of town on a rail!"

Kim smiled at her. "I'd be happy to lend a hand. Anyway, back to work. Did you find those invoices?"

"Wouldn't you know it?" said Rachel. "They were in the middle of a bunch of papers that had to do with something else. And you were quite right about what you remembered …"

-----

Monica and Rachel lined up Phoebe to take Maggie out, while they talked to Janice. She was looking a bit strained, but not haggard or disshevelled, the way she had been when she first visited them a couple of months ago. Once she was settled down with a mug of their best coffee, she smiled at them a little nervously.

"It's good of you guys to see me," she said. "First off, I think you're right to go with Chandler. He's a good guy, for all his hangups. Well, now, here's my _problem_. You remember how we were talking, when you first told me about yourselves, and I said, sort of joking, maybe I should consider a relationship with a _woman_? Well, _that_ one came back to bite me in the ass." She sighed and looked at them mournfully. "I think I'm in love with Emily."

Rachel nodded. "I guessed from your reaction to my question."

"I thought I'd kept it pretty well hidden," said Janice sadly.

"Well, when I said that, it was because I wanted to know if you were aware of Emily's feelings," said Rachel.

"Yes, that's what been bothering us," said Monica, "that it looked like Emily was developing feelings for you."

"Oh, do you think so?" cried Janice, brightening up considerably. Then her face fell again. "But there's Ross. I _like_ Ross. I don't want to do a _thing_ to hurt him." She put her head in her hands. "Oh God, it's such a mess."

Monica sighed. "That's not the end of it. We've been worried that Ross might have a sort of crush on you too. Has Emily spoken of this? Rachel mentioned it to her."  
Janice looked up and shook her head. "No, but then we haven't seen each other much this week." She sighed again. "Oh God, I hope she's not mad at me because of Ross. I hadn't noticed that he was being _unusually_ friendly, but then I'm … not used to being _friends_ with a guy, so I don't know what is or is not usual behaviour in them."

Rachel sighed at the thought of what a sad life Janice must have had. But then she remembered that she too had never really had male friends until she ran away from her wedding to Barry.

"Look, Janice, no one's blaming you," said Monica. "It's not your fault that Ross gets crushes. Just try not to do anything to encourage him."

"But I _like_ talking dinosaurs with him!" Janice protested. It took them a moment to perceive that she was joking. They collapsed into giggles, while she smirked, pleased with the joke's success.

"Okay, I'll try to keep things very cool with Ross," she said. "But what am I gonna do about Emily?" Suddenly there was real pain in her voice. "I couldn't _bear_ not to see her. At least if I get to see her, I _can_ bear it." She looked at them pleadingly.

Monica decided to ask a question that had been bothering her. "Janice, how sure are you that you are in love with Emily?" she asked. "I mean, what makes you think that?"

Janice did not pause to reflect for a moment. "I love having her come to visit," she said at once. "I feel all _happy _when she's there. In fact, every time I see her again, whether in Central Perk or their apartment or mine, I get this happy feeling. If she's not in Central Perk and I am, I keep looking up to see who's come in, hoping it will be her, and I feel _very_ disappointed if it's not. I, I keep _thinking _of her: her face comes into my mind, and I find myself smiling." She paused and looked down. "I like … touching her," she muttered, "and her touching me."

"We've noticed you do that a lot," said Rachel.

 "Well, so did you guys, even before you got together," Janice objected. "Not just you two, but Phoebe too."

"True enough," said Monica. "Well, you certainly have many of the classic symptoms of love. Now, one of the reasons I ask is … well, do _you_ think everything's right in Ross and Emily's marriage?"

Janice shook her head. "The things she says sometimes … I can't believe it is. Sometimes, when I'm there, he seems kind of distant towards her, but then he'll be very affectionate again."

"She spoke of that to me," said Rachel. "He goes off in his mind, but then he comes back, and usually that's when he starts putting pressure on about them having a baby."

"And there's another thing," said Monica. "Phoebe seems to be coming on to him a bit."

"Oh – my – _God_!" said Janice in old Janice-style, rolling her eyes. "This is worse than Days Of Our Lives. At least there aren't any doctors involved, and neither is Joey, bless him. _He_ seems to have gotten the message, at least."

"Yeah, he went out with Chandler and Kathy and Phoebe earlier this week, and really tied one on," said Rachel. "That was the night we had the bad scene about Richard. Phoebe straightened Joey out about you, by the way – but she did it by pointing out who she thought had crushes on you … and she also told him, if you had a crush on anyone, she thought it was Emily."

"So everyone's getting to be in the _know_," said Janice rather dolefully. "Anyway, is there anything you think I should do, or can do?"

Monica and Rachel looked at each other. Monica decided to raise no hopes, but be practical. "I think we have to wait and see what Ross does," she said. "I think something's building there. If we can find out what, or maybe who, is on his mind, we'll be able to understand things better. Janice, can you bear to be patient? But it's always possible that things may resolve themselves a different way than you would like."

Janice sighed heavily. "I've managed so far," she said. "At least, now you know, I won't be going through this alone. That means a lot."

The door opened and Phoebe and Maggie came in. "Mommy, Phoebe bought me an icecream with _three _different flavours!" cried Maggie, running across to hug her mother.

Janice laughed and gathered her in, while Monica beamed with approval. But Rachel was looking at Phoebe, who was watching Maggie. That was the face of someone who desperately wanted a child, she thought. She wondered how far Phoebe might be prepared to go to get one.


	5. A Short Sharp Shock

A Short Sharp Shock

The more Joey thought about what Phoebe had said to him, the more uneasy he became. If he had understood her right, she had said that among those with a crush on Janice was Emily, and that Janice probably had feelings for Emily also.  This worried him badly. Emily was Ross's _wife_, for God's sake! He did not think Ross could stand a second wife going lesbian on him – he would go completely nuts – especially when Rachel had also done so. Okay, so they weren't dating at the time – that was when his romance with Emily was in full swing – but he believed that Ross had never really gotten over Rachel. He had certainly taken it badly when the fact of her relationship with Monica had come out, and he had not seemed any too happy at their wedding.

Joey saw where his duty lay. If Phoebe was not going to warn Ross – and nothing she said had suggested it – then he had to. He might suggest that Ross and Emily stop inviting Janice round and that Ross tell Emily to stop seeing her so much. This would have the further good effect that any crush Ross might be developing on Janice would be nipped in the bud, and he would pay proper attention to his wife. The lack of this was probably what had gotten Emily interested in Janice in the first place. Because Janice was a great person now, no doubt about it, and he was sure that anyone would feel flattered to have as much of her attention as Emily got. And if Janice felt rejected, she need not suffer for long; he would be there to apply Joey love. Yes, everyone would end up better off.

The difficulty, he quickly saw, lay in getting Ross alone. He thought about it a good deal, and he was stumped. He needed to do this face to face, but Ross never came into Central Perk now unless Emily was with him or had already arrived.

One morning in Central Perk he was having a quick coffee before going to rehearsal and reached an impasse in his thinking for the umpteenth time. He groaned aloud and beat his brow, attracting the attention of Gunther, who was clearing away nearby.

"What's the problem?" Gunther said.

Joey looked at him. Phoebe had suggested that Gunther was another who had a crush on Janice, so he would be just as ready to want Emily out of the way, but Joey could not see him as a serious rival for Janice's affections.

"Can you keep a secret, Gunther?" he asked.

"Sure," said Gunther, looking interested.

"Okay, here's the problem," said Joey. "Phoebe thinks Janice and Emily have feelings for each other. This has got to be stopped, but how do I get Ross on his own to warn him? I don't want to ring him, I want to talk in person, but he's never here without Emily being around. I just can't think how to do it."

Gunther maintained a poker face, but inwardly he was as alarmed by this possibility as Joey. He felt sure that if Janice was interested in another woman, it was because she had not met the right man. But he could well believe, from what he saw, that Janice and Emily were attracted to each other. Both were naturally very lively, and Emily could hardly get much out of being married to that stuffed shirt Ross. And here was another chance to stick it to him a little.

"Why don't _I_ warn Ross?" he said. "Next time he comes to the counter, how about I say something like, his friends feel that Emily and Janice are seeing too much of each other and might be developing inappropriate feelings?"

"Wow, Gunther, that's brilliant," said Joey admiringly. "That puts it all in a nutshell. Okay, go ahead with that. Oh yeah, I should have said, Phoebe also mentioned, Ross himself might have an interest in Janice, so it might be best if they stopped inviting her round. Could you work that in?"

"Glad to," said Gunther. "Rely on me, Joey. I'll get the message across."

"Thanks, Gunther, you're a pal," said Joey. "Whoops, gotta go, or I'll be late for rehearsal. See you."

Gunther looked after him, shaking his head. The dummy probably thought he could move in on Janice when the dust had settled. Well, Gunther aimed to ensure a different outcome.

His chance came quicker than he had expected. That lunchtime, Ross brought in a bunch of colleagues; evidently they had been attending some lecture or conference or something nearby. Gunther waited until the party was beginning to break up, and then asked Ross quietly if he could have a private word.

"Sure, Gunther," said Ross jovially, stepping aside with him. "What's up?"

"Um, this is rather delicate," said Gunther, "but, well, a friend of yours asked me to pass on a warning. He felt Emily and Janice might be, uh, seeing too much of each other. He wondered if it might not be best to stop inviting Janice around."

All the bonhomie left Ross's face. "_He_, you say?" he repeated in a choked voice.

"From what he said, I guess it's not just Joey who thinks that … whoops, there I go," Gunther said.

"Who else?" Ross grated, his face darkening.

"I've already let out more than I should," said Gunther in an unhappy tone. "You won't tell Joey I mentioned his name, will you? He had your bests interests at heart, I'm sure – it was clear he was very worried about you."

"Gunther, who else?" said Ross insistently. "I won't tell, but I'd like to know."

Affecting defeat, Gunther muttered, "Phoebe."

Ross sighed deeply. "She may have weird ideas, but she's good on this kind of thing," he said in a musing sort of way. "She sees things other miss … Well, um, thanks for passing this on, Gunther." In obvious mental turmoil, he wandered off, almost staggering. Gunther felt a sudden pang of doubt. Would Ross be able to handle the business of separating Janice and Emily effectively?

-----

"Guess what, darling," said Emily eagerly to Ross as he entered the apartment. "Janice has got me a job!"

"What kind of job?" said Ross, feeling immensely disspirited to have such apparent confirmation of what he had been told so quickly.

"Well, she's managed to persuade her bosses that she needs an assistant," said Emily. "For making note about proposals and how shoots went and liaising with people and so forth. She claims that she's constantly forgetting things because she's on the phone to different people all the time and has no time to write things down, though I can't believe it myself. But if she thinks she needs an assistant, I'm not going to say no. It would be so great to work with her!" Her eyes were shining.

Ross felt he could hardly bear to wipe the happy expression off her face, but it had to be done.

"I don't think you should take it," he said heavily.

"Why ever not?" said Emily in great surprise.

"Don't you think you see an awful lot of Janice?" said Ross.

"But she's my best friend," said Emily, dazed. "Why shouldn't I see a lot of her?"

Seeing a different line of attack, Ross said, "Do you think it's wise to go to work for your best friend? It might put a strain on the relationship."

"I can't believe that," said Emily spiritedly. "I'm sure Janice would be very easy to work for."

Ross sighed. "Okay, I don't want to say this, but … people are beginning to talk about how much we see of Janice, and how much you and Janice see each other."

"What people? What are they saying?" Emily snapped.

"Um, I was told in confidence," said Ross, beginning to sweat as he observed the signs of an Emily temper coming along, "but, well, it was felt that something inappropriate might be developing."

"'Inappropriate'?" Emily exploded. "What, do these 'people' think we're setting up threesomes or something?"

"No, no," said Ross hastily, sweating even more and beginning to stammer as Emily's expression became increasingly stormy. "But it was, um, suggested that Janice might be … developing feelings about you, even, even," he tried a dismissive laugh, "that you might have feelings for her."

"Oh, and on what basis?" Emily said in rising fury. "That we touch each other sometimes? Why, you lot were always hugging and still do, especially Joey and Chandler, but no one thinks they're gay because of that."

"Yeah, but … look where hugging led Monica and Rachel," said Ross sombrely.

Emily seemed to deflate suddenly. "Oh God," she said quietly. "It's the lesbian thing again, isn't it? It obsesses you. Well, okay, since it obviously bothers you, I'll try to stop being touchy-feely with Janice. But don't ask me to stop seeing her or asking her round, or not to take the job." Suddenly she seemed on the verge of tears. "She's the best friend I've made in New York. I couldn't _bear_ to stop seeing her, and how could I explain it, anyway? Besides, you like her too. Who would you talk to about dinosaurs if she wasn't there?" She gave a rather forced and tremulous laugh.

Ross decided he must play all his cards. "That's … part of the problem," he said.  "Maybe _I'm_ getting a little too fond of her."

Emily froze. "So," she said, still quietly, "it's not our feelings about each other that you're really worried about, that's just a smoke screen. What bothers you is that _you_ are attracted to her. I have begun to notice – I'm not blind, you know. But you must realise that there's not the remotest chance of her returning any feelings of yours, so why don't you just let your crush die of natural causes, as it will soon enough?"

"I, I don't feel easy around her any more," he said, knowing that he was lying but hoping it wouldn't show.

"So, _I'm _supposed to stop seeing her because _you_ have a problem?" Emily cried, now definitely mad. "No way, Ross! As they say here, deal with it! I utterly _refuse_ to stop seeing her."

"You know, by getting so mad about it, you're only strengthening my readiness to believe that there is something between you, even if you don't recognise it," said Ross desperately. "At least, don't take the job."

"How could I possibly turn it down, when she's put in all this effort to set it up for me?" said Emily fiercely.

"Ah yes, and why has she done that?" said Ross. "You think she did that with no ulterior motive?"

"You, you think she did it because she's in _love_ with me, or something?" said Emily incredulously. "Ross, this isn't like Mark and Rachel, not that that wasn't a prize piece of asininity on your part. Janice and I are _friends_, and friends do things for each other, as you should know, for no other motive than friendship."

Ross's face had darkened at the reference to Mark, always a sore point. "You leave Mark and Rachel out of this," he growled. "You've only heard one side of that. And it _was_ the start of all our troubles, when she went and got herself that job."

"Oh, she should have carried on doing a job that bored her, just so she could always be there when you wanted," Emily flared. "Well, she wouldn't put up with that, and neither will I! I want a real job, not just little bits of work, mostly boring."

"You will make me very unhappy if you take it," Ross said threateningly.

There was a short pause. Then Emily said, very quietly, "Ross, don't you trust me?"

Ross did not reply instantly, and he realised too late that this was a crucial mistake. Emily's face crumpled, and tears appeared in her eyes, which suddenly had an almost frightened look in them.

"Oh God," she said, very softly, "you _still_ haven't got over Carol, have you? Let alone Rachel. You're always afraid we're secretly out to betray you with another woman." Suddenly she whirled and marched decisively into their bedroom. Following rather hesitantly, he found her taking a case out of the wardrobe.

"What, what are you doing?" he cried in alarm. "You're not leaving me, just over this?"

"No," she said, looking at him with an unhappy expression. "Some women might, but no, I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to move out for a few days, until you come to your senses."

"Where will you go?" he stammered.

"I'll ask Monica and Rachel if they can put me up in their spare room," she said. When his face darkened again, she asked, "Why, what's the matter with that? Monica's your sister, and they're good friends, it means I'll be close ... What possible objection could you have?"

"If you wanted to defuse my fears about anything … inappropriate, they're not the best people to go to," he said rather stiffly.

She turned to face him, throwing her hands in the air in total exasperation. "Oh _Lord_, here we go again! Ever since Carol and Susan, you have had this, this totally irrational fear that _all_ women who are or have become lesbian are in some kind of conspiracy to tempt straight women away from their men. But Susan never made the slightest effort to 'convert' me when she was over in London, despite all the occasions when we were together, and Carol and Susan had _nothing_ to do with Monica and Rachel getting together, either. Believe me, if I get the remotest suspicion that they have any idea about 'turning' me – not that I suspect they would for a moment – I shall walk straight out again!" She looked at him very intently. "Ross, you have _got_ to learn to trust, or you'll _never_ be able to make a relationship work."

Unable to come up with any kind of coherent response, Ross just looked at her helplessly. He knew intellectually that what she was saying made perfect sense, but he just couldn't shake off his gut feelings of apprehension about her relationship with Janice. He wanted her to stay, but he did not want to give way over this. Numbly he watched her pack a variety of items. When she had done this, she walked past without looking at him to collect toilet things from the bathroom. When she had returned, put these in, and zipped up the case, she looked him full in the face again. He was shocked by the pain in her expression.

"Aren't you going to say anything at all?" she said, so quietly she was almost whispering.

"What do you want me to say?" he replied, his voice almost croaking.

She sighed. "How about, I'm sorry, I overreacted to something I heard, please don't go?"

"What about Janice, then?" he asked.

"Look," she said quietly, with an air of having reached the end of her patience, "I've offered to lay off all the playful punching and hugging and stuff. I'll go further. I'll try to cut down on the number of times we invite her round, though that will have to be done carefully, to avoid hurting her feelings. Maybe we could use the excuse that you find yourself too attracted to her. But that's my best offer. I'm _not_ giving up the job, so I'm bound to go on seeing her a lot. Now, what do you say?"

-----

"And, and the big idiot just stammered and stuttered, as if he'd forgotten how to speak!" said Emily through her tears. "He did eventually get something out about not wanting me to go, being sorry and knowing this was a sacrifice on my part, but hoping I could see why he was so afraid and would go some way to meet his fears. As if I hadn't already made all kinds of concessions! So in the end I just walked out. Before I did, I b-begged him to do some serious thinking about what _he_ needed to do to make our marriage work. I came here because I knew if I went to Central Perk he would follow me."

"That's okay, Emily," said Rachel. She glanced across at Kim, who was looking very sympathetic and nodded.

"Men often get uptight about their wives having friends of their own," said Kim, "but this is an odd case, because he likes Janice – too much, to go by what he's said."

"If I'd realised quite how insecure he was about friendships between women, I might never have married him," said Emily sadly, wiping her eyes.

Her cellphone rang. "Do you mind if I take this?" she said to Kim. "It might be him."

"Go right ahead," said Kim.

But it was Janice. "Thank God I've found you," she said hurriedly. "What _is_ Ross ranting and raving about? It sounds like you've left him and he blames _me_!"

"People have been telling Ross that we see too much of each other, that something might be developing between us," said Emily slowly. "He wanted me to drop the job, to drop _you_, more or less, although this is partly because _he_ has a crush on you. Anyway, I won't do it! I'm moving out just for a little, in the hope that he'll come to his senses and see that his suspicions are groundless."

Something very like a sob floated down the line. "Janice?" said Emily uncertainly. "They are, aren't they?"

-----

Well, I don't think I can come up with a better cliffhanger than that. Will Janice reveal her feelings to Emily? How will Ross react to Emily's moving out? These and other questions will have to wait to be answered, see Author's Note at beginning.


	6. Information for Everybody

Chapter 6: Information for Everybody

Author's Note: Well, here I am, back again (and it wasn't a vacation, except that being in Greece is always half a vacation :) ). I have made a few minor changes to Chapter 5, which anyone who happens on this should look at (not to mention earlier chapters), if they haven't already, or they won't have the remotest idea what's going on. Thanks to my faithful reviewers: you spur me on to greater depths of high class (I hope) melodrama.

-----

There was a short silence, broken by an intake of breath and something that sounded very like another sob. Then Janice said in a dragging voice, "I sort of lied to Ross, but I can't lie to you. I don't know if what I feel for you is love – I've never been in love with a woman – but if it's not, it'll do till love comes along. I'm sorry, Emily – you weren't meant to know. How did it get out? Rachel and Monica promised me …"

Emily turned an enquiring glance to Rachel, who spread her hands apologetically. Emily nodded and said, "Ross wouldn't say who told him, but I doubt it was them. Others may have got the idea, from our behaviour. But Janice, tell me the truth: did you set up this job so that you could have me around even more of the time?"

Janice made a choking noise and then really began to cry, so loudly that Rachel and Kim could hear, although Janice seemed to have dropped the phone. Then Emily heard Maggie's voice.

"Mommy, mommy, don't cry!" she was saying in obvious distress. Then she must have picked up the phone. "Why are you making my mommy cry?" she shouted, while in the background Janice sobbed helplessly.

Emily cut the connection and jumped up. "I must go to them!" she cried, looking wildly at Rachel and Kim. "Rachel, could you take my case up to your apartment? I don't know when I'll get in."

"Sure," said Rachel, "but Emily, you do realise that Ross will only see this as confirmation of his suspicions?"

"I don't care!" cried Emily fiercely. "I can't _bear_ to hear her crying like that, and poor Maggie …!" And with that she ran from the room.

"Go with her," said Kim urgently. "They'll need support, all of them."

"Oh, _thank_ you, Kim!" Rachel cried in a voice brimming with gratitude. She grabbed her coat and purse, and Emily's case, and hurried after her. She found her on the street, frantically waving for a cab.

"I'm coming with you," she announced. "Ross can hardly suspect the worst if we're there together."

The smile with which Emily greeted this warmed Rachel right through. "Thank you, Rachel," she said, "though he does seem capable of believing almost anything, on very little basis. But clearly he was part-right about this. I wonder who tipped him off?"

"That doesn't matter," said Rachel, so infected by Emily's urgency that she was jumping up and down in her efforts to secure a cab. Whether this struck a sympathetic chord in the heart of some driver or it was just plain luck, at that moment a cab drew up beside them. Emily gave the address and cried, "Please hurry! My best friend is in a very bad state."

"I'll do my best, lady," the driver responded, and drove off in a way that suggested he had caught some of Emily's urgency too. He did indeed make extraordinary efforts, and Emily rewarded him with a massive tip. She ran for the door of Janice's apartment block, fumbling in her purse.

"Luckily, Janice gave me some keys," she muttered to Rachel. As soon as they were in she ran for the stairs. Rachel, not used to exerting herself so much, decided to follow at a more sedate pace, with the result that when she entered Janice's apartment through the wide open door, she found Emily already inside and embracing Janice, who was crying on her shoulder as if her heart would break, while Maggie was looking at them hopefully. She seemed pleased to see Rachel.

"Auntie Rachel, why did mommy cry at what auntie Emily said?" she asked. "See, auntie Emily doesn't want her to be unhappy."

"No, honey," said Rachel. "But it's one of those grown-up things that you're too young to understand yet. Look, your mommy and auntie Emily have some talking to do, so would you like me to read to you or play a game?"

Maggie looked at her mother, who was beginning to calm down. "Auntie Emily's making mommy better," she said with satisfaction. "Let's go to my room."

With one ear cocked for any sound from the living room, Rachel followed Maggie.

"I wish auntie Emily had come before, when mommy was crying," Maggie said.

"Why, has your mommy been crying a lot?" Rachel asked.

"Not as much as this," said Maggie, "but she does cry sometimes. Can we read the Tale of Squirrel Nutkin?"

"Not Mrs. Tiggywinkle?" said Rachel teasingly.

Maggie looked disdainful. "That was long ago."

They were near the end of the story when Janice and Emily appeared in the doorway, arms round each other's shoulders. For a moment Rachel felt hope, though what she hoped for would, she knew, be bad for Ross – but their expressions made clear that there was to be no happy ending of the kind she would like.

"Rachel, I can't find words to thank you enough for coming, or your boss for letting you," said Janice rather hoarsely. "Please thank her for me."

"She'll want news in exchange," said Rachel. "So … what have you decided?"

Janice and Emily sighed and looked at each other.

"I love Janice, but I don't think I feel about her the way she does about me," Emily said, "even though it's _very_ flattering." She took Janice's hand and squeezed it.

"And we agreed, we can't do it to Ross anyway," said Janice sadly. "We just have to hope that the feelings will fade. So," she paused and took a deep breath, "we are going to stay away from each other for a while, to help that, though we'll talk on the phone."

"So – no job?" said Rachel.

"No job," Emily agreed. "It certainly wouldn't help."

Rachel sighed, feeling very sad for them both. "I see what you mean. So, what now?"

"I can't just up and leave Janice," said Emily a bit defensively. "She's bound to be feeling shattered. I'll stay here for a while and come on to you later."

"Do you think that's wise?" said Rachel, with an apologetic glance at Janice.

"Wise or not, it's what I'm going to do," said Emily determinedly. "I'll explain to Ross later. He ought to be pleased – he's getting everything he wants," she added in a depressed way.

"Oh God, I'm so _sorry_, Emily," said Janice tearfully, wringing her hands.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Janice," said Emily, looking at her warmly. "You have done nothing wrong."

Janice gulped, then said, "Why don't I make us some coffee? We could all use some refreshment."

"Good idea," said Rachel. "I'll just finish off Squirrel Nutkin, and I'll be with you."

While they were having their coffee, Rachel's cellphone rang. It was Kim.

"Emily ought to know," she said urgently. "Ross tried your office number and I answered. He was looking for her, and he knows she's gone to Janice's, but the damn fool rang off before I could tell him that you were there too. He sounded very upset."

"Thanks a million, Kim," said Rachel. "I'll pass it on. Look, can I take the rest of the afternoon? I'll make it up."

"I know you will," said Kim. "Yeah, try to get things sorted out. See you tomorrow."

Rachel passed on Kim's message. Emily blanched.

"Oh God, I'd better get back, or he'll believe the worst," she said. "Janice, I'm sorry …"

"I can manage," said Janice with an attempt at a smile. "You came when I needed you most, and that helped so _much_. Get in touch when things have calmed down a bit, won't you?"

"Of course," said Emily, hugging her so tenderly that Rachel found it hard to believe that she was not in love with Janice, even if she didn't recognise it.

Emily and Rachel went back to Ross and Emily's apartment, but to their slight surprise he was not there. After unpacking the now redundant case, they went on to Central Perk, but he was not there either, although it was now well on in the afternoon. Gunther said, when questioned, that he had not been in again since lunchtime. He was looking a little sheepish, and Rachel suspected he had been involved in what had happened, as he had in the breakup between her and Ross, but she did not wish to aggravate the situation further by questioning him.

They decided to wait, on the assumption that Ross would show up sooner or later. Rachel took the time to bring Monica up to date on all that had happened by phone, but she was still stuck at Alessandro's and couldn't get away. Eventually Joey, Chandler and Kathy showed up. Rachel told them what had happened, and Joey instantly looked so guilty that she realised he must have played a major part.

"Joey," she said sternly, "did _you_ give Ross all these ideas?"

Joey swallowed. "Um, well, in a way I did, but they weren't my own, you know, and anyway it was Gunther who really told him. He offered it to do it, when I couldn't see a way to get Ross on his own."

"So Ross was getting stuff at third hand, at best," said Rachel. "Okay, Joey – if they weren't your ideas to start with, whose were they?"

Joey looked hunted.

"_Joey!_" Rachel insisted.

"Phoebe's," he croaked.

"Oh – my – _God!_" said Rachel, in conscious imitation of the old Janice. "As in, I-am-showing-signs-of-a-crush-on-_Ross_ Phoebe?"

"She didn't tell me that!" said Joey, startled.

"Well, she wouldn't, would she?" said Emily tartly. "But it has to be faced: she was half right."

"She also said," Joey continued, almost babbling in his attempt to justify himself in Rachel's judging eyes, "that Ross had a crush on Janice, and I thought that was wrong, he ought to be paying more attention to you."

Emily nodded, looking at him not unkindly. "I got told … other people's suspicions about that, and he did bring it up as an argument. _I_ am to stop seeing Janice, if you please, because _he_ is uneasy about his feelings for her. That was one of the reasons I walked out."

"Joey, I hope you don't think Janice will fall into your arms if you offer comfort, after this," said Rachel rather severely. "That's what was behind it all, wasn't it? Nor yours either, Gunther," she said, raising her voice and looking at him. He hastily moved away from the table he had been polishing nearby, evidently trying to eavesdrop. "She won't be feeling ready to be interested in any man for a long time to come. That's how I was when Ross was with Julie."

Joey looked downcast, and his ears went red.

"Talking of Ross, here he comes now," said Chandler suddenly, "and Phoebe with him."

Looking at them, Rachel instantly divined that something had happened between them. Phoebe had a strange air of satisfaction about her, while Ross looked very surprised, even shocked, to see Emily. She jumped up as he approached.

"Ross, you were part right," she said abruptly. "Janice was, is, in love with me, and she did set up the job so that I could be with her even more. So, I'm not taking the job and, and we've a-agreed," her voice was shaking a little by this point and she paused and took a deep breath, "that we won't see each other for a while, so she can get over it. Obviously, I'm not moving out."

"That's, that's great news," Ross stammered, but instead of seeming relieved, he looked worse than ever for a moment, Rachel thought. Then he seemed to pull himself together. He held his arms open. "I know how much this must hurt you, when she was such a dear friend," he said.

Emily walked into his arms and buried her face in his shoulder for a moment. Then she pulled away, groped for a handkerchief, blew her nose hard and wiped her eyes. "I, I'm sorry I went off at you like that," she said. "Look, let's go out together, just the two of us." She gazed at him intently.

"Got nothing ready again?" said Ross in a funning tone, then, realising this was hurtful in the circumstances, "sorry, bad joke. Seriously, I'd like nothing better."

They went off together, hand in hand. Rachel looked after them, feeling a bit sentimental, as the others seemed to, but she turned away a moment early and caught a fleeting expression on Phoebe's face that looked very like despair, or at least pain. It vanished before she could be sure, but Phoebe was noticeably quiet after that. Rachel would have liked to know how she had come to be entering Central Perk together with Ross, but it did not seem wise to press her on it. That night, though, she mentioned her suspicions to Monica as they were tidying up in the apartment.

"Best to leave it for now," said Monica. "You know Phoebe. She'll tell us when she's good and ready." She sighed. "The one I'm really worried about is Janice. Should we ring?"

"Oh honey, of course we should," said Rachel, feeling remorseful at not having thought of it earlier. Hastily she grabbed the phone and entered the number.

"Janice, how are you?" she said as soon as Janice spoke. "Mon reminded me, we hadn't rung."

"Well, to be honest," said Janice in heavy tones, "I'm _rather_ drunk. Maggie's in bed asleep, thank God, but … I _can't_ go to sleep. I can't stop thinking about her," she wailed.

Monica was listening in, and she and Rachel looked at each other in alarm.

 "I'm coming round," said Monica decisively. "In fact – could you put us both up?"

"You don't have to," Janice protested, but Monica cut in.

"I'm sorry, Janice, but I think we do. You need support. Please don't try to keep us out."

"Okay," said Janice dully. "Sure, I can put you both up, since you'll be sharing a bed." She produced a sound between a giggle and a sob. "Thanks."


	7. Another Secret Is Revealed

Chapter 7: Another Secret Is Revealed

Rachel sat back in her chair and blew out a contented "Phew!" Partly this signified extreme satisfaction with the helping of delicious Coq au Vin that she had just eaten, partly her relief that it was Friday night, after a pretty gruelling week, and the weekend stretched ahead.

Monica raised her eyes from her plate and smiled at her. "Looking forward to the weekend?"

"You said it!" Rachel replied. "What a week!"

"Yeah, it's been tough," said Monica. "But not as tough as for Janice – or Emily."

Rachel's face showed pain and sympathy. "Yeah," she said softly.

It was proving very difficult to reconcile Janice to a future without Emily. It would have been tactless to offer the hope that someone else would come along. Having decided that she was in love with Emily, she did not want someone else. As Janice herself said, stopping seeing Emily was far worse than the final breakup with Chandler, not only because she had no husband to fall back on, but because she had no intimate memories to cherish. "I didn't even get to kiss her," she would wail. She could not even console herself with phone calls, since hearing Emily's voice sooner or later made her break down, which was very distressing for both of them.

Night after night Monica and Rachel had gone round, though they had not stayed over after the first night, and offered the only support they could by just letting her talk to them. The one thing that stopped Janice from sitting around and crying all day, she admitted, was the need to look after Maggie, though that brought its own problems. Maggie was too young to understand why auntie Emily could not come round to make mommy happy again, and did not like being told as much. In the end it had to be blamed on Ross: they told her that he was auntie Emily's husband and he did not want her to see mommy, which was true enough, if a bit unfair. Maggie said she was very angry with uncle Ross, but luckily she did not encounter him to tell him so.

"You know what I think?" said Monica, breaking the silence that had developed. "I think Emily's realising, she has feelings for Janice too."

Rachel nodded. It had been heartrending to see Emily forever seeming to be looking for Janice when she was in Central Perk, even turning to see if it was her coming through the door and then shaking her head angrily at herself. Almost all her liveliness was gone; much of the time she would just sit there, looking rather lost. She could not be persuaded to do any of her funny turns, even by Ross, responding to any request by saying, rather shortly, that she did not feel like it. Ross had the sense not to press it, but the truth was, he did not seem to be putting much effort into trying to make Emily happy either, in Rachel's opinion. He did not even seem to show sufficient contrition for his mistrust of her, she thought. Much of the time, he seemed preoccupied, not to say brooding, so that both of them would sit there in Central Perk, casting an air of despondency around them.

"Have you noticed a lot of _looks_ between Ross and Phoebe lately?" Rachel said to Monica, breaking another silence.

"Yeah," said Monica sombrely. "There's something going on there, I'm certain."

Since Ross and Emily's reconciliation, Phoebe had been uncharacteristically irritable. Her behaviour towards Ross had varied between the alarmingly intimate and the coldly aloof, while her manner towards Emily was barely polite. Sometimes she would produce pointed remarks about the need for people to make up their minds, which seemed to be directed at both Ross and Emily. And the air of tension developing within the group was being made worse by Joey's moping because Janice was no longer around. For all his efforts, and those of his friends, he could not seem to get over her. In fact, there seemed to be a lot of depression about, Rachel thought, for Gunther also seemed more than usually withdrawn, probably for the same reason as Joey. At least Chandler and Kathy were not depressed, but they seemed to be in a holding pattern, contented with each other, but not very lively or demonstrative. 

"Well, there's one bright spot, at least," she said, grinning at Monica. "Though it's gonna be hard waiting to see if it's taken." She was referring to Monica's insemination with Chandler's sperm, which had been carried out without difficulty a couple of days earlier. 

Monica grinned back. "We'll just have to be patient – not my strong point."

Rachel reached out and took her hand. "You were very patient with me."

Monica's grin softened into a loving smile. "It was worth the wait. Let's hope this will be too. Shall we clear away?"

They had almost finished the dishes when the buzzer went. Rachel answered it.

"It's me again," said Emily in a distressed-sounding voice, "and this time it's serious. Can I come up?"

"Of course," said Rachel, pressing the door release. "Emily," she said in response to Monica's questioning look, "and she said, it's serious this time."

"Oh lord!" said Monica, hastily stripping off washing-up gloves and apron. They went to the door and opened it. Emily came pounding up the stairs determinedly, carrying two cases. She gave them a rather strained smile when she saw them. Seen closer, she had tear-tracks running down her cheeks.

"This time I _am_ leaving him," she said fiercely.

"Phoebe!" said Rachel, unconsciously speaking her thought aloud.

"You _knew_?" said Emily sharply, coming to an abrupt halt just outside the apartment.

"I guessed _something_ had happened," said Rachel. "They were both looking … strange when they came into Central Perk together, and they have been acting strange ever since. So – he went to her?"

Emily nodded, her eyes flashing with what looked like rage. "He _leaped_ to the conclusion that I had left him for Janice. Just like with you that time, Rachel, when he assumed you were carrying on with Mark. No hesitation about his conclusion – he had all the evidence, didn't he? The amazing Professor Geller can't ever be wrong," she almost snarled. "He never could _trust_ me, that's what it comes down to, and I'm sick of it. You'd think he would have learned from his experience with Rachel, but no! You were well shot of him, I think," she said savagely, turning to Rachel. "If it hadn't been Mark, it would have been something else. Maybe his experience with Carol _has_ screwed him up for ever. Anyway, he went running to Phoebe – I'm not clear why her particularly – and she was happy to … console him."

"I'm sorry," said Monica slowly. "I had thought better of her. But we've thought for some time that she had developed a crush on him."

"You don't know the worst," said Emily darkly. "He admitted to me, she positively _encouraged_ him not to worry about protection. She _wanted _to get pregnant, which is fine, but why did she have to use my husband!" She positively shouted the last word, and then broke down. Monica threw her arms round her and took her inside, while Rachel followed with the cases.

"I'm so sorry," Monica said, settling Emily down on the couch. "My brother seems totally incapable of staying out of trouble in his relationships."

"How did you find out?" said Rachel, sitting down behind Emily and patting her back.

Emily lifted her face, now running with new tears, from Monica's shoulder. "You saw it – he was acting strangely, and more so at home. He barely spoke, just sat and brooded, and when I tried to talk to him he would get irritated. I knew something was wrong, and I was on edge, because, to be honest, I could not stop thinking about Janice. God, I missed her! Finally I said, rather roughly, there was clearly something troubling him, and what the hell was it, because his behaviour was driving me crazy! He went at it in a bit of a roundabout way, first saying how he had been wondering if we had got married too fast, and did I think we had made a mistake. I asked why he thought that, and then he broke down and told me, he was afraid he was falling out of love with me, and that he had made love with Phoebe, and was attracted to her. He could not keep it in any more, he said; he felt so guilty. He said he would understand if I left him, and it was so bloody obvious that in his heart of hearts he _wanted_ me to – that I did." She looked at them defiantly. "I'm not going to go on trying. Do you think …" She swallowed, and then said, "Rachel, do you think I could have some of your marvellous coffee? I badly need something."

"Sure," said Rachel, getting up. "Do you want some brandy in it?" she asked, grinning.

"Brandy, is it?" said Emily in her Irish voice. "Sure, brandy never done half the good whishky did." She looked at them in surprise. "That's the first time I've wanted to do that for _days_. It has to be a sign. Do you, do you think Janice …" She swallowed and seemed lost for words.

"What do you think you can offer her, Emily?" said Monica seriously.

"Love," said Emily instantly. "It's been _torture_ this last week, trying to fix my thoughts on Ross when my mind kept running off to her. I've come to realise, my feelings for her go far deeper than I thought. The only thing is, well, I'm not sure about the sex part. But do you think she will be ready to listen to me, even?"

"Don't worry about the sex – it will come," said Monica, smiling at Rachel. "We took a while. As for the other, I'm sure she'll be delighted to hear from you. Why don't you use our phone and ring her right now?"

"_Thanks_," cried Emily, and instantly seized the phone. She tapped in the number slowly and carefully, as if afraid of making a mistake.

"Janice?" she said rather tentatively. "It's, it's Emily. I've got something to tell you." She paused for a moment and took an audible breath. "I've left Ross – I'll tell you why when I see you – and I'm not going back. I," she choked for a moment and put her hand over her eyes, then swallowed, seemed to gather courage, and went on, "I've missed you _dreadfully_­, so much that, that I think I must be in l-love with you. Can you forgive –"

But her words were drowned by the exultant shriek from the other end, quite audible to Monica and Rachel, followed by an excited babble that Emily vainly tried to break into more than once before she put on her Irish voice and thundered, "For the love a' God, woman, will you hold yer wheesht and let me speak?"

There was a loud giggle from the other end, then silence. Emily said, "I'm at Monica and Rachel's, and I'm feeling … rather worn. Besides, Maggie must be in bed by now, and my coming would disturb her. So can you bear it if I stay here tonight and come round first thing tomorrow, and I mean first thing, Maggie's breakfast time?" She paused, and smiled. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, my dearest. Sleep well."

She put down the phone and turned a glowing face to Monica and Rachel. "She, she still loves me …"

"Of _course _she does, sweetie," said Monica, "and you'll be so happy together, I just know it." She got up and held out her arms, and Emily collapsed into them, crying a little. Rachel hugged her too, and then they all sat down again.

"You'll have to knock me out," said Emily, grinning at them. "I don't think I'll sleep tonight otherwise." Her eyes were bright, her lips parted; she looked a new woman.

"I haven't seen you so excited since your marriage," said Rachel indulgently.

"I'm more excited than I was then," said Emily, getting up and jigging round the room, grinning at them. "With Ross, I knew what I was getting, or I thought I did, but this is all _new_!"

"Emily, I don't mean to distress you," said Monica, "but did you ever _really_ love my brother?"

"Monica!" said Rachel in shock.

"No, it's a fair question," said Emily, stopping dancing and looking more sober. "I certainly _thought_ I did. But I realised, once we were back from honeymoon and he started having to go to work and all, that there's a difference between having a lover – and whatever his faults, Ross is a good lover" – her eye caught Rachel's, and Rachel nodded her agreement – "and having a husband. It was a great help that you two were so welcoming." She smiled in reminiscence. "It was as if I was marrying a whole group, in some ways, and the rest of you made up for Ross's more irritating qualities. If we had been on our own, I doubt we'd have lasted long. But I now know, Janice is my soulmate, the one person I actively want to be with all the time."

"Well, I guess we have to hope that Phoebe is Ross's," said Monica, "though there's been no sign of that before, and I can't see it, myself."

Rachel shook her head, and Emily sighed. "Neither can I. He never showed signs of being really attracted to her, unlike Janice." She gave a little laugh. "_I_ won that one." Then she looked serious again. "Of course, I won't take a penny from him. That would be mean. We both made a mistake."

"That's generous of you, Emily," said Monica appreciatively. "Well, let's hope it all works out."

-----

As she had predicted, Emily was too excited to sleep much that night, but she did not seem tired when Monica took her round to Janice's in a cab quite early the following morning. They had called up, so Janice was waiting in her doorway, looking almost unbearably tense. The two threw themselves into each other's arms and clung together, weeping and murmuring things no one else could hear, until Maggie asked in a rather impatient way why they were crying now. They broke apart and smiled at her.

"It's because we're so happy, sweetheart," said Janice.

"That's silly," said Maggie firmly. "I don't cry when I'm happy."

"Wel, it's probably also because we're so sorry that we had to be apart," said Emily. "But we won't have to be any more."

"Yes, mommy told me you're going to live here," said Maggie calmly.

"And is that all right with you?" said Emily, seeming slightly anxious.

Maggie smiled at her. "You'll make mommy happy?"

"I'll do my very, very best," said Emily, with a loving look at Janice.

Maggie nodded. "Then it's okay." She went back to her breakfast.

To Monica's eyes Janice seemed transformed. All the rather quirky, nervous approach to the world that she had displayed even when she and Chandler were truly in love had gone. She hugged them both and left them happily planning the reorganisation of the apartment as they unpacked Emily's cases. She had a feeling that she had witnessed the beginning of a partnership that would be as successful as hers and Rachel's.

By the time she had got back to the apartment, breakfast was in full swing and everyone was there. Phoebe was sitting next to Ross with a proprietorial air and looking very happy. Ross himself did not look happy, however; he had his characteristic expression of gloom all over his face, although he smiled at Phoebe readily enough when she tried to cheer him up. Chandler, Kathy, and Joey were all there; they seemed shell-shocked, and looked rather relieved to see Monica arrive. She could not help look at Phoebe rather accusingly. Phoebe's mouth twisted in a slightly wry smile; she got up and nodded her head, for them to step out onto the balcony.

When they had done so, before Monica could utter a word Phoebe burst out, "Don't you look at me like that, Monica Geller! If you had seen the state the poor guy was in, _you _would have wanted to do something! It took me right back to when Carol had just told him about herself. I nearly made love with him then. Now, well, I've had feelings for him for a while … It was the obvious thing to do, and it certainly cheered him up!"

Monica sighed. "Well, Phoebe, I can't say I altogether blame you, though I don't think you should have taken the risk of getting pregnant."

"Oh, you know about that?" said Phoebe. "Well, I don't see why you should get to be the only mom among us!" She sounded bitter.

"Phoebe!" said Monica reproachfully. "You know I don't think that. It's just, well, Ross is going to be very upset about his second marriage breaking up, and with this as well …"

"Don't you worry," said Phoebe confidently. "I'll make him happy, and I'll help him handle your mother."

Monica smiled and patted her on the arm. She did not have the heart to point out the odds against their making an enduring couple, when they had such very differing approaches to life.  Well, maybe they would adapt to each other; she hoped so.

Author's Note: Well, will they? What do you think? Reviews giving an opinion will be very welcome :).


	8. Settling Down and Sorting Joey Out

Chapter 8: Settling Down and Sorting Joey Out

"See, Phoebe, it works like this," said Ross enthusiastically. "Right at the bottom of everything are these things that scientists have agreed to call quarks, which are the basis of neutrons and protons, and electrons, and neutrons and protons and electrons go to make up atoms, and atoms make up molecules, and combinations of molecules make up everything there is."

Phoebe giggled deliciously. "I do love these fairy stories you tell me, Ross," she said.

Everyone else held their breath. How would Ross react to hearing the very foundation of all science described as "fairy stories"?

Ross came through with flying colours. He drew a breath, but then let it out, smiled at her, and said, "I guess it is all fairy stories, really. We're trying to describe what is beyond the human mind to understand, so we use simple ideas. But" – for a moment his face grew stern and his voice rose – "there is better backing for my fairy stories than for the first chapter of Genesis!"

"Yeah, sure, Ross," said Phoebe placatingly. She took his hand and held it lovingly between both of her own. "I _certainly_ believe that."

"That's because she believes God is female," Monica whispered to Rachel, who grinned.

"But aren't they cute together?" she whispered back. "Ross is making a _real_ effort."

"So is Pheebs," Monica muttered. "She's not made any attempt to convert Ross to vegetarianism, and lets him cook himself meat when she's having dinner with him. And while she doesn't believe any of his science stuff she doesn't try to sell him on any of her weird stuff either."

"Yeah, and she's going to have his baby," said Rachel. "Isn't it great? He or she will be almost exactly the same age as ours."

Monica took her hand and squeezed it. "Our baby," she said, her whole face radiating happiness. "I can hardly believe, it's finally gonna happen."

It was two weeks on from what Chandler had irreverently referred to as the Big Switch-Around, and both Monica's and Phoebe's pregnancies had been confirmed, to the delight of everyone in the group. It had taken a few days of rather strained meetings before Ross, Emily and Janice could all be together in the same room on relatively easy terms, and both the new couples had to shake down together a little. Phoebe did not move in with Ross, but when she was not at his place, he was at hers, or they were both at Central Perk, so that they were only really separated when they went to work. Emily and Janice seemed to have no problems with working together – Janice had renewed the job offer, and Emily had happily accepted – and Emily had, as Janice said, proved a godsend in terms of looking after Maggie, collecting her from playschool, etc., since her job did not require to be in attendance on Janice every moment. But nevertheless for a while there seemed a little tension between them. So Rachel, whose practised eye had noticed this, took an opportunity to follow Emily to the bathroom in Central Perk one day and ask if there was a problem, suspecting she knew what it was.

Emily sighed and nodded. "It's the sex," she said a little dolefully. "We both want it, badly, but we're just not relaxed enough with each other to do it very well. My guess is, we're both so used to being with men and having them generally take a lead, or at least be the more active one, that we can't see very well how to go about things with each other."

Rachel nodded. "I thought so," she said. "Monica and I got together more slowly than you have done. Look, why don't we all have a girls-only  talk after dinner some time – and we should include Phoebe, because we suspect that she has experience that Monica and I lack. You don't bear a grudge against her any more, do you?"

"No," said Emily, "I am too happy being with Janice to bear anyone a grudge. If we could just get this one thing right … that's a good idea of yours. Can you set it up?"

After taking the precaution of getting a few tips from Carol and Susan, Rachel set up a meeting, and the five of them had an evening of often startlingly frank discussion and frequent hilarity, fuelled by wine. Phoebe in fact led in frankness, admitting to a love affair with her old singing partner Leslie and also recounting without embarrassment her experiences, not all unpleasant, when she was in prison. She generally set herself to please and be helpful to such an extent that Emily abandoned any lingering hostility to her. The occasion had the effect of greatly encouraging Emily and Janice, and they were in a hurry to get away afterwards. The next time they came into Central Perk, when Monica and Rachel were there, Emily gave a demurely wicked smile in answer to their questioning looks and said, "Better than whishky!" at which they all burst out laughing, to Chandler and Joey's considerable surprise.

Janice also had an air of considerable satisfaction about her. "I'm like the cat that fell in the cream bowl, you guys," she murmured to them with a broad grin. "We're both very grateful. Our only problem now is keeping our hands off of each other when Maggie's about."

So that was all right, and the confirmation of the two pregnancies soon afterwards was an occasion for general rejoicing and the putting aside of any remaining grievances. Even Maggie was persuaded to forgive Ross for keeping mommy and auntie Emily, as she still called her, apart from each other. But she looked scornfully at her mother when she said that after all, it had only been for ten days.

"That's a _long_ time, mommy," she had said, "longer than a week!"

Janice bit her trembling lip and said, "Sure, sweetheart. Actually, thinking about it, it certainly _felt_ a long time, and I didn't know it was going to end like that."

"There you are then," said Maggie triumphantly, in a manner that strongly reminded Janice of Phoebe.

But of course, the world being an imperfect place, not everyone was so happy. Conspicuously, Joey was still displaying an uncharacteristic tendency to be gloomy, for he could now see Janice again but knew that she was beyond his reach, apparently for ever.

"It's okay for you," he said to Ross once when he was trying to cheer him up. "You already had Emily when Monica and Rachel got together, and now you've got Pheebs – and she was supposed to be my backup! But I haven't got anybody!"

It was beginning to be agreed that they needed to find someone for Joey, for he showed little interest in dating any attractive and potentially available women who happened by, even when they were drawn to his attention by his friends, and when he did go out with a girl, it never lasted beyond a first date.

"This is _ridiculous_," said Janice one day when the Joey situation was being discussed in Monica and Rachel's apartment. "I mean, I'm the last person to _underrate_ myself, but surely I'm not so great as to ruin Joey for all other women."

Phoebe giggled. "Do you have any sisters, or even cousins?"

"_Pray tell me, pretty maiden, are there any more at home like you?_" sang Emily, quoting from her mental scrapbook of old songs, skits, quotations, literary references, and other trivia.

Janice laughed happily. "None like me as I _used_ to be, which would have to be your base, if you're going to produce an imitation of me _now_."

"Impossible," said Emily with conviction. "You're unique."

"You _flatter_ me," said Janice lightly, but they exchanged tender looks and hand squeezes. Monica and Rachel beamed at them, delighted to have another happy female couple to keep them company, in a way that Carol and Susan could not do, being far more into the lesbian "scene".

"Well," said Phoebe briskly, "unbelievable as it may seem, we may have to set Joey up with a date. I think I'll see if Bonnie knows anyone of the right sort."

"And what is that, Pheebs?" Monica asked.

"I think we've been going about this the wrong way," said Phoebe. "We need to get Joey, like, interested in _sex_ again. Then maybe he can look for a relationship. It's all this romantic pining for Janice that's put him off sex, even." She nodded her head firmly.

"Why not Bonnie herself?" said Rachel a little cattily. "She certainly seemed to give Ross some great sex."

"Now, sweetie," Monica admonished, "that's all in the past, and you have no cause to be jealous of her now. But yeah, what about Bonnie?"

"Oh, she's seeing a woman at the moment," said Phoebe airily, "and while I've no doubt she might be willing to take Joey on too, and could certainly give him a good time, if Ross has one more lesbian or lesbian-acting woman around him he'll probably, y'know, break out in hives!"

They all laughed and agreed to leave it to Phoebe and Bonnie.

The next Saturday morning, the group had gathered in Central Perk for a leisurely mid-morning coffee and chat. Janice, Emily and Maggie were doing the weekend shopping, but all the others were there, and had begun their unstated, perennially renewed contest to cheer Joey up. At various times one or other of them had scored a success with a reference to a well-known nude or near-nude scene involving one or more actresses in a film, a report in the National Enquirer or some similar scandal sheet of lesbian activity involving celebrities, comments on the latest fashions in swimwear or lingerie, and the initiation of a discussion on the ideal sandwich filling. But today nothing got a positive reaction. Joey would smile, but in a strained way that suggested he was just humouring them, and most of the time he just stared into space or at his table, for he was not sitting with them but on his own, off to one side, as he had taken to doing a lot.. In desperation, Rachel was preparing to reminisce about the time they took Chandler to a strip club and the attraction they had felt to some of the strippers, when two new customers walked into Central Perk.

Phoebe whistled. "Hey, get a load of _that_!" she muttered.

Everyone but Joey looked, and many jaws dropped, for the newcomers were both gorgeous. One was clearly from the Indian subcontinent somewhere. She was very short, with skin a nice light biscuit colour, fine features, dark liquid eyes, an extremely kissable mouth, a rippling fall of black hair, and a spectacular hourglass figure, which was barely concealed by a very tight crop top and light cotton jeans that looked as if they had been painted on. The other looked classically Chinese, a bit taller and more willowy, with short black hair, a flawless complexion, an expressive mouth and merry dark eyes. Her t-shirt, just short enough to show glimpses of a flat stomach and pretty navel, and her jeans were almost as tight as her companion's, promising an equally well-proportioned if less abundant figure.

Rachel looked at Monica and whined, "Couldn't we be on a break, just for today?"

All except Joey laughed, Ross as loudly as any of them.

"Oh man, what a _pair_," said Kathy. "Joey, seriously, you should check these two out."

"What's the point?" said Joey morosely, continuing to sit hunched over, staring at the table top. "They wouldn't be interested in me."

The two young women got their coffees and looked around. There was still room elsewhere in Central Perk, but they came over towards Joey.

"May we sit here?" said the Chinese girl in a New York accent, standing by the other chair at his table.

"Yeah, sure," Joey grunted, not bothering to look around.

She took the chair and the Indian girl grabbed one from a neighbouring table.

"Why so gloomy, pretty boy?" she said in a slightly singsong accent. "It is surely your duty to be cheerful at all times and to make us all happy by seeing you smile."

"Yeah," said the Chinese girl, "it's kind of a public service you owe to all us girls."

Finally Joey turned around, and his eyes widened at the two extremely fine specimens of womanhood facing him. Slightly hesitantly, he produced a little smile.

The Chinese girl beamed and stuck out a hand. "Mary Chin," she said, "and this is my friend Sita Kumar. We're studying for a Masters at NYU."

"Pleased to meet you," said Joey in a dazed sort of way. "I'm Joey Tribbiani."

"I _knew_ you looked familiar!" cried Mary. "You play that hot doctor in Days Of Our Lives. I never miss that show."

"It is only worth watching for the stars like Joey," Sita remarked rather snootily. "Personally, I think the plots are utter tripe."

Joey grinned in a self-deprecating kind of way. "Sure, but it pays the bills. I do other acting as well."

"Tell us about it," said Mary, leaning forward with an expression of intense interest.

To his friends' delight, Joey immediately plunged into an animated conversation with the two. His flashing smile was quickly in evidence, and it was clear to his friends, who were eavesdropping shamelessly, that both girls were very taken with him, and he was obviously very attracted to them. After a while, he leaned back in his chair and said, "Sita, Mary, I owe you an apology. What I should have said when you came to my table was" – he cocked a devilish eyebrow and put on his practised seducer's grin – "how _you _doin'?"

Phoebe groaned and put her head in her hands, but far from being turned off by this hackneyed line, the girls shrieked with delight.

"Well, in answer, I would say we are _both_ doing extremely well," said Sita, with a knowing smile.

Joey did a double take. "Both?" he said in a near-croak.

"_Both_," Mary repeated firmly, her lips also curving in a rather wicked smile.

Joey seemed lost for words. Sita patted him on the hand. "It is a lovely day outside," she said. "Why do we not take a stroll and … maybe discuss the subject of our Masters, which is international relations?"

"Yeah, sure," said Joey, still dazed, and he allowed them to get him out of his seat and lead him to the door, putting their arms through his. As they did so, Mary caught Phoebe's eye and winked slowly and deliberately. Just before he disappeared, Joey turned back to his friends and favoured them with an enormous grin.

 They had barely closed the door when with one accord Joey's friends burst out laughing, banging the arms of their chairs and slapping each others' shoulders.

Rachel was one of the quickest to recover. "I take it all back," she cried. "Bonnie is a miracle worker, Pheebs. Let's hear it for her!"

"Yeah!" chimed in Monica, clapping her hands together. "But mind, we will need follow-up reports to know whether the cure has taken fully."

"Did you see his expression?" Chandler choked out. "The guy just couldn't believe his luck. I wonder who he'll decide to have first."

"Chandler, that's coarse!" said Kathy, though she did not look really offended and broke into happy giggles.

"I guess he may not be calling the shots," Ross spluttered. "Those two looked very determined young women. I wish I had students like that!"

Everyone began to laugh again. Gunther came over, looking a lot more cheerful than he had been doing.

"Do I understand your friend Bonnie sent those two to cheer Joey up?" he asked Phoebe.

She nodded, giggling. "Want some more from the same stable?"

He grinned. "If they're like that, _sure_. Just seeing them has made my day."

There was renewed laughter, in which Gunther joined.

-----

No sign was seen of Joey for the rest of that day and night, but he made a happy if exhausted-looking appearance in Monica and Rachel's, late on Sunday morning.

"Any chance of some breakfast?" he begged. "Chandler and Kathy have used up all the cereal _and_ the bread."

"Sure, Joey," said Rachel, jumping up and beginning to pull things down from the shelves.

"Are you sure cereal is gonna be enough to restore your strength?" said Monica slyly. "Want me to fry you an egg or two, maybe a slice of bacon, some hash browns, sausages?"

"That would be great," he said eagerly. "Because I do kinda need to build myself up a bit."

Rachel and Monica both burst out laughing. "Did they wear you out, then, Joey?" said Rachel insinuatingly.

Joey grinned. "We all had a very good time, and that's all I'm gonna say. Those are great girls, and as well as being hot they know all kinds of stuff … like Janice." He smiled in a reminiscent sort of way, but obviously he was no longer pining for Janice.

"Are you going to see them again?" said Monica casually as she began assembling the ingredients for a mammoth breakfast.

"Does a bear crap in the woods?" said Joey in a tone conveying amazement at such an unnecessary question. "We have a date for this evening, a movie and dinner."

It took quite a while to fill Joey up, but as Monica said later, it was worth every moment at the stove, and the severe depletion of her stores, to see him his old self again. So that was all right too.


	9. It Happens Again

Chapter 9: It Happens Again

"Phoebe," said Ross with the air of one whose patience is being stretched to the limit, "I am perfectly prepared to concede that there's lots we don't know, or only understand imperfectly. Every good scientist accepts that. But that's quite a different thing from expecting me to believe that the very foundations of science might be completely mistaken."

"Oh, and why?" said Phoebe, her eyes flashing. 

She seemed to be putting a lot into this argument, Monica thought, and she sighed to herself. Recently Ross and Phoebe had been arguing more and more frequently, and more and more heatedly, anbout this kind of thing. No longer was either of them willing to end it by some light comment or some other way of defusing the situation. Instead, one or both would simply stop talking and look rather aggrieved, if not obviously sulk, and it would take a while for them to get over it and be nice to each other again. They had taken to arguing seriously over other things, too. Phoebe was evidently irritated by Ross's conventional approach to naming their child: he suggested ordinary names like James or Lucy, while she hankered for the truly exotic, and with a current interest in native American cultures wanted something like Crazy Horse or Buffalo Girl. Monica and Rachel had arguments about possible names for their child too, but they were friendly, not conducted with the kind of head-tossing dismissiveness and heavily sarcastic irony that Phoebe and Ross respectively showed to each other's suggestions..

"Because science is based on _observation_, on accurate _measurement_," Ross was saying very emphatically, "and numbers don't lie, they can't lie. One and one will _always_ equal two!" He was almost shouting by the end.

"Numbers!" snapped Phoebe, waving her hands dismissively. "Numbers take the magic out of everything."

"Cool it, you guys," said Rachel anxiously, worried that this fight was getting out of hand. "Or Gunther will throw us out," she added in an attempt at a joke.

"Well, it makes me mad," said Ross unrepentantly. "I'm not always trying to change Phoebe's mind about the whole basis of what_ she_ believes in."

"No, you just ignore it!" Phoebe flared. "Like it wasn't worth Mr. Science's attention."

"Guys," said Monica, feeling it was time to intervene. "You shouldn't be arguing so angrily. It's not good for your relationship. Can't you agree to differ on this?"

"More to the point, it can't be good for your baby to hear its parents fighting," said Rachel.

"Oh, like he's going to take it in!" Ross snapped. "You're as bad as Phoebe!"

"You sang to Ben," Monica pointed out, just as Phoebe was saying, "What's that supposed to mean?" in a very combative tone.

Reminded of Ben, Ross subsided, looking a bit sheepish. But Phoebe wouldn't let it go.

"What was that supposed to mean, Ross?" she repeated in a gritty tone, glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, I was a bit hasty," he said in a placatory tone. "It's true, I both sang and talked to Ben when Carol was carrying him. Let's drop it."

"No, I'm not letting you get away with this," Phoebe said fiercely. "You think I'm dumb, don't you? Stupid Phoebe, who never went to high school, who'll believe any old junk" – she was almost crying by this time – "well, if that's what you think you can go and find yourself a _smart_ girlfriend, I've had enough!" She jumped up and almost ran for the door.

Ross sat open-mouthed, apparently stunned by the suddenness of it, as, evidently, was Chandler.

"Go after her," Monica, Rachel, Kathy and Emily all urged Ross simultaneously. Only Janice remained silent, her face serious.

But Ross was looking obstinate. "I, I don't see why _I_ have to accept being put in the wrong and having to apologise, just because I won't go along with Phoebe's cockeyed view of the world," he fumed. "It's all very well for you, you don't have to listen to it all the time."

"But Ross, she's carrying your baby!" Monica protested. "And pregnancy affects emotions. I have my ups and downs, don't I, Rach?"

"Yeah, sure," said Rachel, eager to support her, although in fact Monica had not had noticeable mood swings so far. If anything, pregnancy had made her more relaxed, as her dearest wish finally looked on line to be fulfilled.

"Ross, it's crazy to leave things like this," said Emily hotly. "I'll bet you she's regretting her outburst already, and if you just went and said you were sorry you'd flown off the handle – "

Ross had been able to accept the break with Emily, but that did not mean he was ready to accept advice from her.

"Ah, what do you know?" he said bitterly, then got up and stormed out – but he did not go in the direction that Phoebe had taken.

"Well, I like that!" said Emily indignantly. "Honestly, Monica, sometimes your brother – "

Janice put a hand on her arm. Instantly Emily stopped talking and turned to her.

"Yes, darling?" she said quietly.

"They're breaking up," said Janice a bit sadly. "I've seen it coming; let's face it, we've all seen the signs. There is a lot of love between Ross and Phoebe, no question, but their outlooks on life and the world and everything are just too different. It's better that they realise it now, and not when they're parents and feel bound to stay together for the child's sake, and so get more and more bitter."

All of them sighed as they realised the truth of this.

"Phoebe's tough," Janice went on. "She could handle bringing up a child alone if anyone could – and we'll all pitch in and help, won't we, guys?"

There were emphatic nods and a general murmur of assent.

"But this will be the _fourth_ serious relationship that Ross has had that has failed," said Rachel unhappily.

"The fifth, if you count Julie, as you should," Monica put in. "Even the sixth, if you throw in Bonnie."

Rachel pulled a face. She did not like being reminded of how badly she had behaved over Ross's other relationships during that period. "I, I don't think Bonnie was very serious," she said rather defensively.

"Well, it's not over yet," said Monica optimistically. "Maybe they can patch it up, even see this as some kind of warning not to go so far."

Janice looked sceptical, but said no more.

"You're not really having moods, are you, Monica?" Kathy said. "You always seem so happy."

"I am," said Monica, "_really_ happy." She beamed at them all. "I'm going to get what I've always, always wanted – and I have Rachel to help me bring the baby up." She took her hand and squeezed it. Rachel put her head on Monica's shoulder, beaming also.

"That baby's going to be born into a house full of love," said Janice sentimentally. "You guys are an example to us."

"Yes," said Emily, smiling. "Do you _never_ quarrel?"

Rachel lifted her head and looked at Monica. "When was the last time?"

"Well, there was that time when …" Monica began rather uncertainly, and then she stopped. She could not think of anything. "Mind you, Rachel's very easy-going," she said eventually. "She always lets me have my way, so what is there to fight over?"

"But your way is the _best_ way," Rachel protested lightly. "You think everything out so well."

"Except when it comes to _clothes_," said Monica, as if suddenly thinking of something. "Rachel is quite firm about what will and will not suit me, or is so out of fashion that I should not wear it even if it does suit me."

"Yeah, you'd still be wearing miniskirts if I left you to your own devices," said Rachel sternly.

"Ah, then here's something I guess you may fight about," said Janice, grinning. "Women don't like having their fashion sense questioned, even by other women."

"Well, yeah, we do have disagreements," said Monica. "But Rachel knows so much more about fashion than I do. I always wind up seeing it her way."

Emily threw up her hands. "You're too good to be true! But I have to say, Janice and I don't argue much either."

"Oh, not much!" said Janice in an ironical tone. "Why, we only argue about politics, and art, and literature, and … I could make a _list_."

"But those are just … spirited discussions," said Emily, grinning. "We don't get 'mad' at each other."

"Only occasionally," Janice agreed, smiling back at her, "and it never lasts for more than a minute or two. Yeah," she said to the others, "we've found this great thing about each other, that we can argue and argue and never lose our tempers."

"That's great," said Rachel, feeling rather overawed. She and Monica rarely discussed anything more intellectual than the latest TV documentary, and most of the time they talked about fashion, and soaps, and celebrity gossip, and articles in _Cosmopolitan_.

Emily smiled and winked at her as if she knew exactly what she was thinking. "Of course, we also play the fool a lot," she said.

"Sure we do!" said Janice with a wild giggle. "Let's give them that thing you were teaching me, the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch."

"Well, I don't know," said Emily uncertainly. "You really need props for that, and to do it here …"

"Oh, go on!" Janice wheedled. "You do the John Cleese part so well."

Emily sighed. "_All _right," she said, as if badgered into it against her better judgement; but her twinkling eyes showed that she was actually eager to do it.. Shortly their worries about Ross and Phoebe were forgotten as Emily and Janice milked the classic sketch for all it was worth, bringing all conversation in Central Perk to a halt as everyone began to listen. The peroration that culminated in "This … is an _ex-parrot_!" brought down the house. Janice, who had desperately been trying to keep a straight face, with increasing lack of success, was reduced to a state of near-helplessness, so it was just as well that they had not prepared the sketch much beyond that point. There was considerable applause, and Gunther, still chuckling periodically, brought over a free cookie for Emily along with a glass of water for Janice, who had laughed so much that she had hiccups.

Which was all a lot of fun, Monica thought to herself as she and Rachel went back to their apartment after bidding the others a fond farewell, but it would have been a lot better if Ross and Phoebe had been there to hear it. They both loved Monty Python stuff, and it might have done them good to have a laugh. But, thinking about it more, she doubted if it would have helped in the long run. She was very much afraid that Janice was right, and that a breakup was inevitable. Ross was finding it harder and harder to conceal his total incredulity about a lot of things that were important to Phoebe, auras, star signs, lucky gemstones, healing crystals, and so on, while Phoebe seemed simply incapable of taking the scientific beliefs that were so important to him seriously.

It was while they were having dinner that the blow fell. Phoebe came in, with a tear-stained face. "It's no good," she said abruptly. "I've tried and tried, but I can't go on. I do have loving feelings for your brother, Monica, but I've realised I can never live with him. We're just too different." She sat down on the couch and burst into tears.

Hastily both of them went over and tried to comfort her. Being Phoebe, she got over her tears fairly soon, but she remained depressed. "I should have known better," she said sadly. "Now I've saddled the poor guy with another child he will only see part of the time, and left him high and dry relationship-wise."

"Come and have some dinner," said Monica comfortingly. "Things always look a bit better when you have some food inside you." 

"We know how hard you've tried, Pheebs," said Rachel. "At least Ross will have the chance to see more of your child than he does of Ben, if you can stay friends with him."

"That's just it," said Phoebe, as she allowed herself to be led to the table. "Will he stay friends?" But she brightened noticeably when she saw the main dish. "Ooh, stuffed pepprs," she said eagerly. "I've been feeling a hankering for those. There's no meat in the stuffing?"

"No, it's totally meat-free," Monica assured her.

Phoebe was clearly hungry, for she laid into her helping with great gusto. She admitted that she had been walking around the streets for a long time, trying to decide what to do, and had come to the conclusion that she and Ross should break it off before they got any more hostile towards each other.

"If we don't have to try to agree, it will be better," she said. "I won't feel I have to try to cure him of his delusions about science. Say, what happened after I ran off, anyway?"

Monica explained. Phoebe very much regretted that she had not heard the Dead Parrot sketch.

"I'm sure they'll do it again," said Rachel. "They love performing, those two."

"But aren't they cute together?" said Phoebe enthusiastically. "Almost as cute as you two were at the beginning, when you'd come out and could show your love for each other."

The phone rang, and Monica answered it. It was Ross.

"Is Phoebe there?" he asked in a dull voice.

"Why, yes," said Monica. "She came in a short while ago, and is having some dinner with us. I guess you want to talk to her."

Ross sighed very deeply, so that it was almost a moan. "How does she seem?"

"Ross, you'd better talk to her yourself," said Monica firmly. "She has something important that she wants to say to you."

Ross sighed again. "I think I can guess what. Okay, put her on."

Phoebe took the phone out onto the balcony and stayed there a long time. Monica's and Rachel's straining ears could not hear her raise her voice, and though at one point she seemed to be crying she stopped quite soon. Eventually she came back in again.

"We've agreed to split up," she said soberly. "But he will go on taking an interest in the baby, naturally, and wants to help raise him or her. He did ask to be excused coming to the prenatal classes for a while, though." She gave a great sigh. "Oh well. At least I now know the answer to one of the things that I have thought about over the years, which is, what it would be like to be Ross's girlfriend." She looked at Monica with tear-filled eyes. "You were both so kind to me when we first got to know each other, and I was all prickly and defensive, not knowing how to be friends with ordinary people. He was like a brother, only a brother I could fantasise about. I don't know why I started doing it again recently. I guess it was because he seemed the best possible father for the child I so wanted to have." She sighed again. "Relationships are tough."

"Never mind, Pheebs," said Rachel consolingly. "I'm sure you'll find someone."

"It's not me I'm worried about, it's him!" Phoebe snapped. Then she looked apologetic. "Sorry, Rach. I'm on edge. But you do see, this is likely to hit him hard, and worse because it's not so long since his marriage went belly-up?"

They both sighed and agreed.

"Do you think I broke them up?" said Phoebe in a moment, looking painfully vulnerable. The idea was clearly bothering her a good deal.

There was a short silence. Glancing at Monica, Rachel thought she looked like she did blame Phoebe, but Rachel had given this some thought, and she had a different view.

"No, Pheebs, you _didn't_," she said, so emphatically that Monica looked at her in surprise. "Ross did that, all by himself. Just like he did with me, he jumped to a conclusion and didn't hesitate to act on it. I mean, he didn't _have_ to go to you for consolation, let alone go to bed with you. He could have waited to confront Emily, and find out the truth for sure. No, I'm afraid, for someone who sets so much store by science, he does have a habit of letting his emotions run away with him."

"He's never been right, since breaking up with Carol," said Monica in an agreeing tone of voice. "He was so afraid of losing you, Rach, that he did all kinds of stupid things."

"What are we gonna do for him?" said Phoebe despairingly. "Can't we get him to trust _any_ woman? I mean, with me that wasn't the problem, it was just, like, basic incompatibility, but it _was_ the problem with Rachel and Emily."

Rachel nodded, looking glum. She turned to Monica.

"We'll have to put some real effort into this," said Monica, in her organising tone of voice. "We must go through all our acquaintances and see if we can't find someone he might click with – and we must get everyone we know involved."

They agreed, and finished their meal in a subdued mood. Phoebe volunteered to stay away from the apartment and Central Perk for a few days, to give Ross time to get over her, but the others objected.

"It might make him worse, to know he's the reason you're not around," said Monica. "And at the moment, we just don't know how he's going to behave, though I'm not optimistic."


	10. Finding Someone For Ross

Chapter 10: Finding Someone For Ross

Monica was right not to be optimistic about how Ross would cope with breaking up with Phoebe. He did not appear at all for two days, and on the third only came round to the apartment for a brief period. He looked very depressed and behaved accordingly, casting a pall of gloom everywhere. Thereafter his visits, whether to the apartment or Central Perk, were brief, and although he made sporadic attempts to be cheerful, the effort was obvious, and more often he was very withdrawn. He paid little attention to news of the progress of his sister's and Phoebe's pregnancies, was unforthcoming when asked about his work, and was very hard to bring into any general conversation. At any moment his expression might lapse into one of the deepest melancholy, and more than once Phoebe left Central Perk hastily, afraid that she would burst into tears because he was looking so sad, while Emily was almost equally affected and took care not to make too much show of affection for Janice when Ross was there, for fear of upsetting him. She also did not press him about getting their divorce organised, saying to the others that it was the only thing she could think of that she could do to make life easier for him.

Everyone agreed that this was an emergency, and that Ross badly needed to get interested in someone new. But Janice, Chandler, Kathy and Joey all reported no luck in finding anyone among their acquaintances who might be suitable. Monica and Rachel each tried to set Ross up with an available colleague, but he made little effort with Monica's junior chef, and curtly turned down the offer of a date with a fashion journalist whom Rachel knew.

"You know something?" said Rachel when she was discussing this one day with Monica. "I never thought I'd say this, but it's a pity we can't get him together with Julie again. They were good together."

"I'd be surprised if she's not in a relationship or even married by now," said Monica. "She was so cute. But I'm desperate enough to try anything."

So she rang the contact number that she had for Julie, but it had been disconnected. The problem seemed insoluble, and all the time Ross failed to improve. Since she knew a bit about it, as she had shown on earlier occasions, Janice did her best to get him talking about palaeontology, but his responses were meagre and suggested that he was even losing interest in his work.

Then fate took a hand. Rachel and Monica went together to a charity event which Ralph Lauren was co-sponsoring, and there they caught sight of Richard Burke. They tried hard to avoid him, but he caught sight of them and immediately came over, ignoring their glares. He was looking very contrite.

"I freely admit it," he said, with a disarming smile. "I behaved like a heel, and I grovel in apology. You will be relieved to know that I _am_ now completely over you, Monica. You're looking very beautiful, but I feel only aesthetic appreciation. I have happy memories of the past, but I do not want to revive it."

Thawing a trifle, Monica asked how he was.

"I'm fine," he said. "I'm even seeing another optometrist, believe it or not. No need to ask how you are – it is pregnancy that's giving you such a glow, isn't it?"

Monica smiled and nodded. "Chandler agreed to do it, and it took first time."

"Ah, your white knight!" he said. "I was impressed by his phone call. Is he still with Kathy?"

"Yes," said Monica. "They seem happy together."

"And how about Ross and Emily?" he enquired, his tone changing very slightly.

Monica shook her head. "They've broken up."

He sighed. "Well, I'm sorry to hear it, but not altogether surprised. I was never totally convinced by that marriage, you know. Emily seemed _too_ lively, as if she was trying to hide something from herself. But that's tough on Ross, very tough. How's he taking it?"

These sympathetic comments led them to confide in him. They told him in outline everything that had happened. He listened carefully.

"So you can't contact Julie?" he said. "Well, here's where I can make up for my crime. I met her at a reception at the Met a while back. We discovered mutual acquaintances, and talked about Ross and the rest of you. She seemed very interested in what I could tell her. I got her number, because I found her very attractive, but we didn't quite hit it off when we went on a date. I'm afraid that, for all her maturity as a palaeontologist, she seemed of a much younger generation to me, and I evidently seemed too old to her."

"Oh Richard, if you can give me her number I'll forgive you _everything_," said Monica excitedly.

Richard obliged, smiling. "Let me know how it goes," he said. "I always thought highly of Ross. He seemed the most mature of your menfolk."

"Huh!" went Rachel. "You try dating him."

"Not my type," said Richard, grinning broadly, and they laughed and parted on friendly terms.

Monica and Rachel needed to nerve themselves to make a call. It had been a long time, and though Julie had evidently been without a man in her life when Richard had met her, that could have changed at any time since. Finally Monica picked up the phone, with Rachel in close attendance, listening in. When Julie replied, both breathed a sigh of relief. She responded uncertainly to Monica's greeting, asking how she had got hold of her.

"Oh yeah, Richard Burke!" she said, when told. "He's a charmer, isn't he? But he certainly blew it with you. He told me things I found hard to believe. You're with _Rachel _now?"

Monica swallowed her irritation. "Yes, in fact we're married," she said, "and _very_ happy."

"Mmm. Ross is married again, too, I understand," said Julie just a shade too casually.

Monica sighed. "That's come apart," she said. "I don't know if you'd be interested in the details …"

"What happened?" said Julie, suddenly sounding interested.

Once again Monica outlined the situation.

"And you're calling me because I was close to Ross once?" asked Julie in a neutral voice. "Am I your last hope?"

Monica gulped. Julie did not sound in a very receptive mood. "I know it's a lot to ask, but … Julie, he's becoming _permanently_ depressed." She thought for a moment. "We aren't even hoping that you will get together with him again," she said, ignoring Rachel's expression of surprise, for surely that was their hope. "But if you could just get him to show some interest, by talking to him about dinosaurs and stuff – Janice has tried, but she doesn't know enough to get him going. Just so that he could find some pleasure in life again."

Julie made a noncommittal noise. "Once upon a time it would have been my dearest wish to get back together with Ross," she said. "I might as well admit that I have not found a man who could compare to the old Ross – but that was a long time ago."

"Oh God, that makes me feel so bad!" Rachel blurted out.

"Is that Rachel?" said Julie in a reasonably friendly voice. "Well, yeah, you did take away the man I _really_ cared for, but don't feel too bad. It was his decision, not yours, in the end."

"Julie, if you could find it in you just, just to meet Ross again, I'd love you for ever!" said Rachel impulsively. "I can't _bear_ to see him like this, when there's not a thing I can do that will help."

"Well," said Julie slowly, "I'll tell you what I'll do. I'd like to talk with him about our subject anyway, because he has some interesting ideas. So I'll come to Central Perk. But this is not with any idea of reviving our relationship, though I do care about him. He would be a great loss to the subject if he became clinically depressed. But I'd like to see you guys and learn how you got together. That must be quite a story. And now there's no rivalry between us, Rachel, it would be nice to be friends with you."

"I'd like to be friends too," said Rachel wholeheartedly. "No more miss nasty bitch here."

"You were never that bad," said Julie, chuckling. "Or if you were, I didn't notice. Okay, I'll see you in Central Perk tomorrow, early evening."

Julie was already there when Rachel arrived, looking just as attractive as she remembered. In fact, Rachel had to control herself and break away from the rather too warm hug that she was giving Julie. For once she felt empathy for married men who met an attractive unattached female.

Julie looked at her with amusement. "I'm flattered," she said. "So, you really have switched sides?"

"You bet," said Rachel enthusiastically. "Oh Julie, I never hoped to be so happy – and now Monica's pregnant, and it's all so exciting!"

Julie looked at her indulgently. "I'm glad to hear it. Monica deserves to be happy – as do you, of course, but I really felt for Monica at that time."

They settled down to chatter cheerfully about their lives since Julie had broken up with Ross. There was much that Julie had not heard from Richard or Monica, including about Phoebe's pregnancy. She burst out laughing when told.

"I shouldn't laugh, I know," she said, her eyes twinkling, "but Ross does get himself into situations, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," said Rachel. "Given his luck, it's a wonder I didn't get pregnant, or you, come to that!"

They giggled together happily. Then they looked up as the door to Central Perk opened, and there were Monica and Ross. He was looking slightly less depressed than usual, and when he saw Julie his whole expression changed, to one of surprise and, Rachel thought, delight.

"Julie!" he said, sounding stunned. "It's so good to see you. How did you, I mean, why did you … come here?"

"I came to see you, Ross, and the others," said Julie, smiling at him. "I've heard some things about you all from a mutual acquaintance, whom I met at a reception at the Met a while back, and Monica and I got in touch again just recently. So how are you, anyway, and more to the point," she grinned, "I'm_ really_ interested to know what you think of these new finds in Argentina. Are we going to see bigger herbivores yet?"

Ross's eyes lit up, and he eagerly sat down beside her and began giving his opinion. Beaming at them, Monica went to the counter to get his favourite coffee, though she was willing to bet he wouldn't notice what he was drinking. Rachel, she was pleased to see, was doing everything she could to help the conversation along when it moved from dinosaurs to catching up with each other, giving Julie opportunities to tell Ross things that he was too shy to ask.

"He doesn't seem very depressed to me," Julie hissed to them later when Ross went to get her a second coffee.

"That's because of _you_," Rachel hissed back. "He's so happy to see _you_."

Julie smiled, but a little uncertainly. Rachel wondered whether, in implying that Ross might be interested in Julie romantically, she had gone too far. But Julie was quite happy to arrange a further meeting with Ross in Central Perk, and after that they heard that she had gone round to the museum for a quick lunch with him, and her visits to Central Perk continued. Meeting her again certainly did seem to do wonders for Ross. He was easy with her from the start, and soon began confiding in her about the situation that he was in and all the awful things that had happened to him, as he saw it. She had the sense not to let on that she knew it all already, and displayed strong sympathy, but this was not unmixed with criticism.

"Ross," she said, when he had been running on for a while about the Emily-Janice business, at a time in Central Perk when only Rachel and Monica were present beside themselves, "you really have to try not to feel so sorry for yourself all the time. You always had this tendency, and it means you just sit and mope and get nothing done. Now, for example, have you started divorce proceedings?"

"Er, no," said Ross, "I have been just too depressed to face it."

"Well, there's obviously not a chance in the world that you and Emily will get back together," said Julie. "So you should do that. And how are things between you and Phoebe?"

"We don't talk," Ross muttered, looking a bit shamefaced.

Julie tutted. "Breaking up was just as hard on her as on you, I suspect," she said. "Maybe worse, since she now has to face bringing a baby up on her own. You should try to be friends with her again. You guys used to be such a good, supportive group."

Ross sighed. "Yeah, you're right." He was silent for a while, then he said, "Um, Julie, you wouldn't, er, like to go out for dinner with me and maybe catch a movie some time?"

"That would be great," said Julie, grinning as Monica and Rachel did silent hurrah faces behind Ross's back. "Then we can _really_ sort out the Mesozoic, without boring all the others except Janice to death."

They clearly both enjoyed the dinner date, and other such dates followed, but it did not look as if things were going to develop further. Monica and Rachel still cherished hopes that they might, for Julie had effectively become another member of the group. Almost everyone was pleased with this, for she had such a naturally sunny disposition that it was impossible to dislike her. Phoebe remained distinctly cool towards her, showing signs of jealousy that reminded Rachel of how she had felt when Ross was dating Bonnie, but even she was not hostile so much as offhand. But Emily took to Julie at once, and she and Janice would have animated discussions with her on all kinds of things, for Julie had a great many topics of conversation, and could talk as easily with Joey about acting and with Rachel about fashion as with Ross about palaeontology.

She and Ross continued to spend a lot of time in each other's company over the next weeks, but it became more and more apparent that theirs was a purely platonic friendship, based in a shared love of their subject and genuine liking for each other. As if to underline the professional nature of their association, they agreed to collaborate on a joint paper on a topic of mutual interest, and managed to get it written without serious disagreement – no mean achievement in the academic world, Julie gave her new friends to understand.

This failure of the revived relationship to proceed beyond a certain point disappointed Monica and Rachel, particularly Rachel. Now that she had become truly friendly with Julie and got to know her so much better, she really felt that she would have been very happy to see her and Ross get together, and Monica agreed. But they acknowledged that at least Julie's company had had a very positive effect on Ross. He was now back at the stage he'd been in once he'd recovered from the break with Rachel, and was a lively member of the group, quite capable of enjoying himself. He acted like a real friend again towards Phoebe especially, and began to show a proper interest in their child, but he also showed renewed friendliness towards Janice and Emily. Janice particularly liked to sit in on the dinosaur dialogues, as Emily called them, which delighted Ross and Julie, because she showed real interest, and it pleased everyone else because she absorbed all the excess dinosaur output, as Emily phrased it. On such occasions, Emily herself would, in her words, "flee to the woods", hanging out with Monica and Rachel, or any of Phoebe, Chandler, Kathy, and Joey, or going round to Carol and Susan's to see Ben, of whom she had become rather fond during the time when she was, technically, his step-mother.

So much improved did Ross become that about a month after Julie had first come to Central Perk, Sita and Mary, who were still seeing Joey, entered Central Perk to meet him, to find he had not arrived. Ross managed to keep them entertained very well, being able to discuss their degrees and career prospects with them seriously and also plying them with broad compliments, the nearest he could manage to flirting. They were so taken with him that they insisted that he come to dinner with them, along with Joey, and Joey made no objection. No more was seen of Ross until the following lunchtime, when he dropped into Central Perk for a quick coffee, looking a very relaxed and happy man. 

"Well, Ross," said Phoebe, who never shrank from asking the intimate questions that most of them were too embarrassed to ask, even when they were dying to know the answer, "who was the lucky lady?"

Ross smiled beatifically and shook his head. "My lips are sealed," he said teasingly. "All I can say is, not only is Joey a _very_ lucky man, but I have new appreciation of his stamina. To handle _both_ of them on a regular basis …!" He shook his head in apparent wonder.

He left soon, but then Joey appeared. Phoebe tried to get the information out of him, but he just grinned. "No dice, Pheebs," he said. "But I will say this – I got a good report of Ross."

"Oh God," said Julie quietly, but with considerable feeling.

"What is it?" said Rachel, who had sneaked away from her work for a longish lunch break.

Julie turned a rather long face towards her. "I'm finding … I don't want to be_ just_ Ross's friend any more," she confessed. "Those feelings for him that I once had are definitely beginning to develop again."

"But that's _great_, Julie," Rachel cried. The others turned round at her outburst, and she realised that this might be embarrassing to Julie, so thought fast. "Just something about her work," she said. They nodded and turned away. She looked back at Julie apologetically.

"Nice save," said Julie appreciatively. "What worries me is," she dropped her voice, "what if Ross doesn't feel the same way? We're really good friends now, but I'm afraid friends may be all that he wants us to be, and he'll go chasing those hot MA girls." There was real pain in her expression.

"Julie, you can't know that," Rachel said encouragingly, giving her a consolatory hug. "He may just be shy of you, like he was with me, especially because you were in a relationship before. He may be afraid you won't want him, because of the way you broke up. I say, you need to give him some hint that you'd welcome an approach from him. If I see a good opening, I'll try to help things along, and I'll tell the others too, if that's okay."

Julie looked thoughtful. "No, let's keep it between ourselves," she said eventually. "If too many know, someone may say something that would unsettle Ross. You know how Phoebe can be, for instance."

"Okay, whatever you want," said Rachel. Suddenly she spoke from the heart. "I really want this for you and Ross, Julie. He may not realise it yet, but I think you would be better for him than any of us."

"Oh Rachel!" said Julie, deeply touched. "That's very generous of you, when you loved him so much –  and I think Phoebe did too."

"I've been thinking about this a lot recently," said Rachel. "Sure, I loved him, but I could never share the interests that mean so much to him. I liked seeing him being impressive when he gave that public lecture at the museum and got congratulated by important-looking people, but I could never understand any of it or share his enthusiasm. To me it was all deadly boring. And Phoebe would be worse than me, if anything, for she actively disbelieves in science."

"_Dear_ Phoebe," said Julie, shaking her head. "There's no reasoning with her. She just doesn't understand how science _works_. I can handle it, because she's not around trotting out her weird stuff all the time, but I can see why it would drive Ross wild eventually. Well, I'll see if I can give him a hint without seeming to beg, and if you can think of a really good way to do that, I'd be grateful."

Rachel decided to discuss the Ross and Julie situation with Emily and Janice, and invited herself round to tea that Saturday. They agreed that a relationship with Julie would be just the thing for Ross, and were ready to join in plots to move things in that direction, but Emily felt strongly that Monica would resent it if she were left out of any plan. Rachel undertook to bring her on board, but the next time Emily and Janice heard from Rachel, it was on a very different matter.

(Author's Note: sorry, couldn't resist the cliffhanger! There is a final chapter to come).


	11. The Fight and What Followed

Chapter 11: The Fight and What Followed

Author's Note: Cress, my best critic and faithful reviewer (broad hint here; thank you, teacherchez, also. I feel bound to say that I have reviewed _a great many_ of those who write fanfics – 789 signed reviews and who knows how many anonymous – and they might consider returning the compliment sometimes), has pointed out that I have been neglecting the other characters. Well, this includes some attempt to focus on Ross, but if I am to do justice to the others, there will have to be _another_ chapter after this (cue for cheers or groans).

Anyone who doesn't catch the reference to Emily's dinosaurs monologue should check out The Pursuit of Janice Chapter 7, where the original version appears.

-----

"J-janice, can I come up?" came Rachel's voice hesitantly.

"Why, sure, Rachel," said Janice, pressing the door release. She turned to Emily, whose eyebrows were raised in curiosity. "Rachel – and she doesn't sound at all happy." Emily looked concerned.

When Janice let Rachel in, she was quite shocked at her appearance.  Her usually neatly combed hair was all over the place, she had clearly been crying, and she looked absolutely miserable.

"Why, Rachel, whatever's the matter?" she said in real alarm.

"Oh Janice, we had a f-f-fight!" Rachel wailed as she almost threw herself into Janice's arms and burst into tears on her shoulder. Now less alarmed than embarrassed, Janice looked across to Emily for help. Emily jumped up and came over. She put an arm round Rachel and led her, still sobbing, to the couch, while Janice went into the kitchen.

"Now, Rachel," Emily said in a kind but firm voice, "what kind of fight was this? Monica's reaching the stage where she may have mood swings, and I would expect her to, if anyone did. You have to try not to take them seriously."

Any reply Rachel might have made was interrupted by Janice arriving with a glass of milk. "You probably need a drink," she said, "and I remember Phoebe telling this story about you putting away milk when you were upset."

Gratefully Rachel took the milk and drank thirstily. Looking a little better, she ran her hand through her hair distractedly; she had obviously been doing this a lot, to get it to its present state.

"It blew up out of nothing, really," she said. "I had, um, taken the phone pen to do a crossword, and Monica was looking for it, and when I asked what she was looking for and she told me, I said I had it, and she started yelling at me, how I kept moving things around and she couldn't keep the place straight. So I said, she didn't have to be so mad about it, and she said, I had no consideration for her feelings, and I said, well, she oughtn't to take something as trivial as that so seriously, and – "

"Yes, yes, I get the picture," Emily broke in a little impatiently. "We don't need a blow-by-blow account. So in the end you ran out of the apartment, and … walked around the streets replaying the argument in your head and keeping on bursting into tears?"

"How did you know?" said Rachel, looking at her in surprise.

"Because I did it once, with Ross," said Emily. "I went to Monica, in the end, and she calmed me down. She told me that Ross had a low flashpoint when it came to losing his temper, but it never lasted long, and he always felt very bad about it and apologised later – which he did when I went back. Well, remember, Monica is Ross's sister and shares some of his characteristics, _and_ she's pregnant."

"But we've _never _fought since we got married!" Rachel wailed. "I remember telling you that."

"Yes, but … have you never felt irritated by something Monica's done, or some habit of hers that gets on your nerves?"

"Well, yeah," Rachel admitted, "but those aren't things to _fight_ over." She looked at them unhappily. "I don't _like_ fighting. I saw enough of it between my parents. Oh, I fought with Ross, and with Monica before we fell in love, but I _hated_ it." She sighed. "It was so great _not_ fighting with Monica."

Emily nodded sympathetically. "Did you perhaps bring up some of the things that irritate you, in what you said to Monica?"

Rachel hung her head. "Yes," she muttered. "It all came out – and so did what she found irritating about me. I – I'm so afraid, she may not love me any more." Her voice trailed off into a sob, and she seemed on the verge of breaking down again.

But now Janice intervened. "Of _course_ she loves you," she said bracingly. "No _way_ could she have changed from what we saw only the other day. Now my guess is, Monica has been keeping stuff in, because she_ knows_ you don't like fighting, but it is in her _nature_ to be critical, and the _more_ she keeps it in, the _stronger_ it is when she finally reaches critical _mass_." She seemed to notice that she was getting more and more emphatic in her old way, and paused, taking a breath, then went on, more quietly, "Now what you both have to learn is how to criticise each other's annoying little habits withoutyelling about it." She glanced at Emily humorously. "I had to tell Emily to stop singing the same songs every time she was in the shower. I mean, I don't mind singing in the shower, I do it myself – "

"_Sure_ you do," Emily interjected spiritedly. "She loves to sing sad songs, and she takes Ole Man Ribber so slowly I keep wanting to wind her up, like an old gramophone, and she goes so deep, you wonder, how low can a girl get?" she said to Rachel, who could not help giggling.

Janice gave a bark of laughter. "Yeah, well, somehow I like to sing mournful songs when I'm happy. But you – it was the _same_ songs every darned time, _and_ in the same darned _order_!" She grinned at Emily, who had succumbed to a fit of the giggles.

"What were they?" asked Rachel, momentarily distracted.

"She would _always_ start with In The Early Morning Rain," said Janice in tones of deep disgust. Emily's giggles increased. "And then That's What You Get For Loving Me, which I always thought was kind of_ inappropriate_, since it's a real cynical song, andthen Tell Old Bill, and then, if she was in the shower long enough, a version of Stewball by some old bunch called Peter, Paul and Mary. Any longer than that, and it did begin to vary."

She pretended to glower at Emily, who was still helpless with laughter, but waved a hand to indicate that she wanted to speak. She choked down her giggles and said, "You should understand, Rachel, she was very nice about it. She only hammered on the door, making me jump half out of my skin, and threatened to _disembowel_ me if I sang In The Early Morning Rain _once_ more." She collapsed on the couch, overcome again. Her laughter was so infectious that Janice and Rachel broke down and joined in.

"They're great tunes," Emily said, finally recovering and wiping her eyes, "and we did negotiate a settlement – any time she sang Ole Man Ribber or Folsom Prison or something like that, I could sing one of mine. Anyway," she went on, turning a more serious look on Rachel, "I'll bet you anything you like that Monica's feeling really sorry now – and Rachel, you're entitled to expect her to apologise and not feel it's all your fault and try to apologise yourself, because you love her so. And you must both find ways of letting off steam a little at a time, so it doesn't build up. Criticism doesn't have to be conveyed in a harsh tone of voice. You can make a joke of it, as Janice did – though she yelled loud enough!" She chuckled again at the memory.

"My parents used to yell stuff like that at each other all the time," said Janice, smiling in reminiscence. "And they would call each other the most _outrageous_ things. But it was _so_ over the top, you couldn't take it seriously. It's like they competed to come up with the worst insults. They would often break down laughing."

Rachel nodded. "Thanks, you guys. I … I feel much better."

"You still look terrible," said Emily bluntly. "Your face and hair need a lot of attention."

"Oh, right!" cried Rachel, and fled to the bathroom. While she was there the phone rang. Emily and Janice raised their eyebrows at each other.

"Monica?" said Emily.

"I'd bet money," said Janice.

But it was Ross. "Hi, Janice," he said cheerfully. "Do you have Rachel there, by any chance?"

"She's here," Janice confirmed. "She's in the bathroom tidying herself up at the moment."

Ross breathed a sigh of relief. "I tried the guys, and Phoebe, and even Julie … Well, I've got Monica here, and she's in a dreadful state. If you could get Rachel to the phone, to reassure Monica that she's not going to walk out on her – "

"One moment," Janice interrupted, for Rachel was looking into the living room,  a comb still in her hair.

"Is it Monica?" she asked eagerly.

"No, Ross, but Monica's with him," said Janice. "She wants to talk to you."

Totally ignoring the comb in her hair, Rachel virtually ran to take the phone. "Ross!" she cried. "Is Monica okay? Yeah, put her on … hi honey." She listened intently for a few moments, then burst out, "no, no, honey, of _course_ I forgive you … don't cry, I'm not mad any more … What? Honey, of _course_ I still love you – look, I'm coming over right away."

She put the phone down and grabbed her purse, looking as if she was going straight for the door. But Emily barred her way.

"You're not going out looking like _that_, Miss Rachel Karen Green," she fluted in a parody of her family's housekeeper. "You might as well wear a placard saying The Wild Woman of Borneo! Go and tidy your hair at _once_. There's a comb still in it, for one thing."

Janice chuckled, and Rachel felt her hair, cried, "Oh my God!" and hurried back to the bathroom. In two minutes she was back, looking reasonably presentable. She stood in front of Emily as if for inspection.

"Very good," said Emily, grinning at her. "Now go and make it up with Monica, and mind you talk it all over. Don't just say you're sorry and fall into each other's arms."

"You bet," said Rachel, looking determined. "_Love_ you guys." She blew them a kiss and was gone.

Janice and Emily looked at each other. "We done good," said Janice, smiling.

Emily nodded. "Phew!" she said, sprawling back on the couch. "I have to say, that rather took it out of me. If I was really much of a whisky drinker, I'd have a stiff one this minute."

"Sure you wouldn't like … something else?" said Janice slyly. "Maggie won't be back for a good hour yet. Her_ nice_ aunt Phoebe is picking her up from the playgroup and taking her to her place for a while."

"It's great that they're so fond of each other," said Emily. "Well, since you mention it …"

They rose simultaneously and made for their bedroom, arms round each other.

-----

Ross patted his sister's hand. "She's on her way, you told me," he said calmingly. "But you have to allow time. Even a cab would take a while at this time of day …"

Monica sniffed and nodded. "I suppose. Oh Ross, how could I do that to her!"

"Now, Mon, you mustn't make too much of this," Ross said. "From what you said, it sounds like she's over it already. And I know only too well, she can be irritating sometimes."

"But we really got into it," Monica said. "Yelling at each other just like Mom and Dad did sometimes …" She stopped as if struck by a sudden thought.

"Yeah," said Ross gently, when she looked at him, "and they still get along pretty well, don't they? Sometimes you have to let it out. Done the right way, it shouldn't leave scars."

"But Rachel's parents used to fight a lot, and now they're separated," Monica objected.

"Not just because of fighting," said Ross. "There was that mysterious incident in Hawaii that Mom and Dad would never tell us about. I guess Leonard Green got caught with his hand in the cookie jar or something."

"Yeah, female cookie jar," said Monica, grinning.

Ross was pleased to see her show signs of cheering up again. He had felt very sorry for her, she was in such distress over her fight with Rachel, but he also felt a little relieved to know that even in the apparently perfect marriage there were flaws. In fact, he was surprised that they had gone this long without more than very mild disagreements, for he knew his sister's temper, and he remembered from his time with her that Rachel could get mad, too.

Then the door buzzer went, and it was Rachel. In moments she and Monica were embracing and crying on each other's shoulder, but only briefly. Then they separated, and Monica led Rachel to the couch and sat down, holding her hands and gazing into her eyes.

"Let's never fight again, sweetie," she said soulfully.

Rachel seemed to square her shoulders. "Mon, that's what we need to talk about," she said quite firmly. "Emily and Janice have shown me that we need to tell each other about the things that irritate us, not bottle it up because we love each other and don't want to hurt feelings. That's how a big fight like that happens. So if there are things you want to say, say them now, because I'm ready to take it." Her lips twitched. "Maybe just three things to start off with."

Monica looked at her seriously, then smiled. "Yeah," she said. "They're right. I've been too worried that you would associate any kind of fight with how your parents went on."

Rachel shook her head. "I can tell the difference now. So lay it on me."

"Well," said Monica thoughtfully, "it _would_ be good if you told me when you'd taken the last juice from the fridge … _if_ it's you that's taken it," she added. "In general, putting stuff on the shopping list, so I don't always have to find out for myself that we're out of something, would be good."

She kept her voice low, and Rachel smiled and nodded. "I'll try to bear that constantly in mind."

"Talking of drinks, do you guys want something?" said Ross. "It's no trouble."

"Thanks, Ross," said Rachel, smiling at him. "I could use a juice, actually."

"Me too," said Monica, also smiling.

Ross went to the fridge, thinking how nice it was to have them there, even if Rachel was forever beyond his reach. He always felt the ghost of the old passion when she was around and he could see her dear, expressive face, but he knew that a ghost was all it was. When he returned from the kitchen and found them in a hot clinch, however, he did feel a powerful emotion. But it was not jealousy of Monica; rather it was envy of what they had. Would he ever feel like that again? His life was running through his fingers, with nothing to show for it except another child to whom he would be only a part-time dad.

He coughed meaningfully, and they pulled apart, looking a little embarrassed.

"Sorry, Ross," said Rachel, trying to tidy her hair, which was not in great shape. "We, ah, were making up properly."  
"That's okay," said Ross casually as he passed them the drinks. "It doesn't bother me."

"You're not jealous at _all_?" said Monica sceptically.

He saw no point in denying it. "Well, yeah. Who wouldn't be, if he was single and without anyone to get close to?"

"So," said Rachel, taking a swig of her drink, "you're, um, not still seeing whichever of Sita and Mary it was that you scored with?"

Ross grinned. "That was … just a one-off. A very nice one, but … They're_ definitely_ not interested in anything serious. And, you know, maybe that's just as well. They are a bit too like Bonnie, and I think now, if I had continued with her, it wouldn't have gone anywhere in the end."

"Yes, poor Ross, you really want someone to be serious about," said Monica. "It's so sad it didn't work out with Phoebe."

Ross sighed. "In the end, our world views are just too far apart, and it … well, I just couldn't take it. And, you know, there was always that feeling, at least I had it, that it was like I was having a relationship with a sister. She and I have been too close for too long."

"She didn't seem to see it like that," said Rachel lightly, "but I understand what you mean. Well, Ross, maybe you really should make some more effort with your colleagues in the museum. Or, aren't there any nice graduates in the U. who study your stuff and who you meet sometimes, like at lectures?" Suddenly she giggled. "If you can pull whichever it was of Sita and Mary, you can pull anybody."

Monica giggled too, and Ross smiled, not at all put out by this mild dig, for what Rachel was saying was making him think. Of course there was somebody, who had returned to his life and become his friend again. Maybe she would be willing to be more than a friend. He had sometimes thought that she was giving off signs that she was ready to be approached. He promised himself that he would try to follow this up.

"Thanks for your endorsement," he said cheerfully. "I thought I was supposed to be the guy that couldn't flirt."

"You're not so good with the light touch," said Rachel in an assessing way. "But when you try, you should be able to get anyone's heart beating fast. I guess Sita or Mary caught one of those great serious looks from your dark eyes and went totally weak at the knees."

"Yeah, believe in yourself, Ross," said Monica, suddenly serious. "Okay, you have had a series of relationships fail. But think about it: all were with really attractive women who had a lot to offer." She smiled at Rachel. "If they saw lots in you to be interested in, so could plenty more."

Ross could not resist banging his hands together. "Boy, you guys should fight more often, if I can get all this great ego-boosting stuff out of it …" He stopped when he saw their expressions freeze. "Uh, that was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?"

"It was," said Monica a little frostily. "We're telling you all this because we're concerned for you, not because we had a fight. But I'll forgive you, because I know you've been through a hard time, and I couldn't be mad at anyone right now." She squeezed Rachel's hand, which she had been holding since their clinch.

"I feel the same," said Rachel, smiling at him. "Thanks for being a good brother to Mon, Ross." She turned to Monica. "Shall we go home now?"

Monica drained her juice bottle. "Yes, sweetie, let's do that." She turned to her brother. "You've been a great help, Ross, and it's so good to see you feeling so much happier. We'll see you again soon."

They each hugged him and left, hands firmly clasped.

-----

Two evenings later the group was beginning to gather in Central Perk. Rachel and Monica had bagged two of the seats on the couch, and were being so openly affectionate that Ross, the only other there, felt it was embarrassing, as well as slightly depressing. He was rather relieved when Gunther himself came over and gently asked them to cool it, saying, "After all, this is a family place."

Looking a little chastened, they turned down the heat. In a weird way, perhaps through the connection of their having had a fight for which they were still making it up to each other, Ross found himself thinking of Julie and how, until he had told her about Rachel, they had never had a fight. He wondered where she was; usually she had got here by this time. He was anxious to see her; they had not met since his discussion with Monica and Rachel, and he felt strongly that that was far too long. Once he had begun thinking of her as a woman he would be happy to date again, he found he could hardly stop. He had spent a happy evening after Monica and Rachel had left him, just remembering all the good times they had had together.

The door opened, but it was not her, rather Chandler, Kathy, Joey, Emily and Janice all together. Janice seemed in particularly high spirits, and soon they all knew why: she had just received a generous payment for some contract work, and Maggie had gone to sleep over with Janice's parents, leaving her and Emily free for the night. Then Phoebe arrived. She was beginning to show now, and Ross had to admit that she looked rather sexy, but although in a way he was tempted, he knew that it would be foolish to try to start anything again. Likely Phoebe wouldn't want it, and anyway he was much more interested in the possibilities of starting something again with Julie. He asked Phoebe how the pregnancy was going, and tried to pay attention to her reply and take part in the conversation, but he couldn't keep his mind on it and kept looking at the doot.

Finally, when he had begun to wonder if she had forgotten or been detained somewhere, Julie came rushing in, looking as if she had been running. She beamed when she saw him, and said apologetically, gasping a little, "Sorry I'm late, Ross, but I was on a website. Have you heard what Paul Serreno has found now, out in Niger?"

"No, what?" said Ross, and Janice sat up and took notice. Paul Serreno's expeditions had uncovered numerous new dinosaurs in different parts of the world, and anything he found was almost bound to be exciting.

Julie burst into an enthusiastic babble incorporating unpronounceable names, of which most of them only caught comments like "ninety-five percent complete skeleton", "crocodile-like" and "Cretaceous", a word they had perforce become familiar with and knew to mean the last age of the dinosaurs. Janice was leaning forward to hear all this as eagerly as Ross, occasionally asking questions, but all that most of them understood was that some new dinosaur remains had been discovered. For a while everyone else accepted their enthusiasm with good nature, but when it seemed to be going on a bit, Monica sighed, caught Emily's eye, and jerked her head at them. Emily grinned and winked. She leaned forward and tapped Janice on the knee.

"Yes, sweetheart?" said Janice, turning round.

Putting on the hoarse whisky-drinking Irish voice, Emily said, "D'ya know what I'm goin' ta tell ya?"

Janice grinned. "Now how would I know, before you tell me?" she said, in a voice clearly intended to sound Irish.

"They ruined manny a man, the same dinysaurs," Emily went on, not at all fazed by Janice's varying the script. 

"And why is that, would you say?" said Janice, leaning back in a way that suggested resigned acceptance that she was going to have to hear this one out. Julie had stopped talking and was paying attention by now, as was everyone else, waiting to see if Emily would vary the monologue this time.

"Faith, isn't it obvious?" said Emily, spreading her hands. "'Tis the nightmares." She gazed around as if confident she had stated a self-evident truth.

"The nightmares?" Janice repeated, echoed by several others. This was a completely new departure.

"Sure, the nightmares," said Emily, drawing hard on an imaginary cigarette, then leaning forward to tap out the imaginary ash. "When you do be studyin' such _awful_ things as thim dinysaurs – of course you knew that diny means 'terrible', like in dynymite, ya know …" Ross nearly collapsed at this point, but tried to keep in his laughter because he didn't want to miss a thing. "Well, _annyhow_," Emily continued, "the study is bound to be giving you nightmares, isn't it? I seen pictures of thim lads once, and, do you know what it is, I had to get a few jars inside of me just to take away the memory. There was no other way." By now Ross had a handkerchief over his mouth. "_And_ I had to do it again the next night, for to take away the memories of things I seen in the night. So, well, don't you think your man the palonteologist" – here Julie, who had been listening intently, made a bursting noise, evidently an inadequate attempt to stifle a laugh – "the palonteologist, I say," Emily continued with a stern look at Julie, who put her hand over her mouth and began to shake, "is goin' to need somethin' to steady him when he gets the nightmares, and, sure, what could that be but somethin' soothin' like the whishky? But of course, the more he studies, the more he does be needin' to steady himself, and isn't that the very road to ruin?" she finished triumphantly.

The undercurrent of giggles and smothered laughter that had been growing throughout this now broke out unrestrained. Julie collapsed in her seat and shrieked so loudly that everyone in Central Perk turned to look, thinking something had really happened.

"You kept that one under wraps very well!" cried Janice, and she gave Emily a hug.

Affected by the general hilarity, Emily suddenly broke into giggles herself. "I like to s-surprise you," she spluttered.

She had been the last to laugh, but she was one of the first to recover. "Guys, thanks for being such a good audience," she said, looking round with a grin.

"Oh God," said Julie, sitting up again and pulling out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes, "I've never heard anything like that."

"I'm taking off the kind of thing that Flann O'Brien, a well-known Irish comic writer, would put in his Myles na Gopaleen column in the Irish Times, which was aiming to show the kind of pub bore who is for ever holding forth on subjects he knows nothing about," Emily explained. "That's the flip side of the well-known Irish love of good talk. He did all kinds of other things in the column too, including a Catechism of Cliché. I once ran across a pastiche of that, called How To Begin Your Article/Thesis/Book, which might amuse you."

"Yeah, lay it on us," said Ross enthusiastically. "I could use something like that."

He and Julie were the most appreciative of this recitation, though others recognised the hoary clichés that it was guying. But after that Julie sat quietly for a while, appearing to be deep in thought, while the rest conversed animatedly. She smiled at Ross when he attempted to engage her in conversation but only responded monosyllabically, so he laid off.

Then, at a pause in the conversation, Julie suddenly leaned forward and said to Emily, in a ludicrous fake-Chinese accent of the kind used in old Charlie Chan movies, "You know what I go tell you, foleign lady?"

"I do not," said Emily in her Irish voice, eyebrows raised in interest.

"They luin many man, same dinosaur," Julie continued, "but maybe, not luin man and woman _together_, what you think?" She looked mischievously at Ross.

There was a stunned silence, and then everyone burst out laughing, even Ross. His and Julie's eyes met, and he realised, with a great lift in his heart, that she was not simply joking.

"Well, I never thought I'd say this," said Rachel, seizing what seemed like a good opportunity, "but Ross, don't you think Julie might actually be the person you were meant to be with all along?"

"Yeah!" cried Julie, beating herself on the chest. "Me Julassic Julie, only ploper mate for Tylannosaulus Loss!"

This sally produced more laughter. But Ross was now looking at Julie so intently that she blushed slightly, though holding his gaze. Everybody held their breath. He looked around at them, grinned at their expectant faces, and turned back to Julie. His grin turned to a gentle smile, and he held out his hand. Julie, smiling back, took it.

"Shall we … start dating for _real_, Julie?" he asked.

"Ross, I'd _love_ to date for real," she replied simply.

Phoebe burst out, "Yeah, let's hear it for Julassic, I mean Jurassic, Julie and Tyrannosaurus Ross!"

She stood up and pulled Julie into a hug, as the others cheered in delight and unspoken relief. There was further hugging all round, and shortly a very animated group of women swept their menfolk off for a celebratory meal, hoping that at last they had got Ross settled.


	12. Developments Across the Hall

Chapter 12: Developments Across the Hall

"Chandler, have you got time to talk?" said Joey. He seemed unusually serious.

"Why, sure, Joe," said Chandler, surprised that Joey felt he had to ask. "Kathy's not coming round until later. She's rehearsing a new play." He smiled affectionately.

Joey smiled also. "How's that going? You've been dating her since before Monica and Rachel got married. It must be the longest relationship you've ever been in."

Chandler grinned. "You're right, and it's the best one. It's going great. You know, sometimes I feel she may really be the one for me. But I'm not sure how she'd feel about getting married – or how I'd feel, except that it makes me nervous thinking about it, though not as nervous as you might think. But since she seems perfectly happy with the way things are, I'd be a fool to push to change them. Anyway, this talk was supposed to be about you, so what did you want to say? Want my help in choosing between Sita and Mary?"

Joey flashed a grin. "Hell no, man! Look what happened the last time, when you tried to help Ross choose between Rachel and Julie. Anyway, that could never come up. For one thing, they seem joined at the hip, and for another," – his face seemed to cloud slightly – "they're great girls, but they're definitely in it for the fun. They have made _quite_ clear to me that they don't want to be serious. And you know what? I'm beginning to feel, I'd like to be serious. That crush I had on Janice … it's left me dissatisfied with the just-for-fun kind of relationship. When I see Monica and Rachel together, or Janice and Emily, or you and Kathy, or now Ross and Julie, I get kinda jealous." He spoke the word quite emotionally.

"Well, some might say, that's poetic justice, Joe, for all the girls you dumped who hoped to get serious with you in the past," said Chandler, unable to resist this dig.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Joey, but he barely smiled. "Anyway, that's not the only thing. There's my career. Okay, I'm doing all right now, with the Days Of Our Lives work, but it's not really stretching me as an actor, you know. I sometimes feel, I ought to head for LA and try my luck."

"Stretching you as an actor?" repeated Chandler derisively. "You mean, you're not getting any nearer being a STAR." He held up his fingers to make quotation marks. "But, Joe, you can't be thinking of leaving us. Why, the chick and the duck would be heartbroken." Chandler tried to make this jokey, but he seemed to be feeling an actual physical pain in his midriff at the thought that Joey might actually be serious.

Joey gave a perfunctory smile. "I mean it, Chandler. I love you guys, but hanging around in New York is beginning to feel … limiting. LA has possibilities. I might even meet up with Kate again."

A suspicion rose in Chandler's mind. "These aren't really all your own ideas, are they, Joe?" he said a bit sharply. "It's those girls who are pushing them on you."

"We've talked," Joey acknowledged. "They're smart cookies, you know, a helluva lot smarter than me. They saw that I wasn't wholly satisfied with my life, and got me to talk about it, and showed me why. But if I hadn't been feeling like this, they'd have had nothing to work with."

Chandler walked rather stiffly to one of the Barca Loungers and sat down. His stomach felt strangely hollow. "I … I can't imagine life without you here, Joe," he stammered.

"It's not like I'd stay there without ever coming back," said Joey. "And you could come visit." A thought seemed to strike him. "Hey, you could move out there with me!" He seemed quite excited at the thought.

"Oh yeah, and do what for a living?" Chandler said sarcastically. "And what about our friends? What about Kathy? What about the child that Monica is carrying, that I fathered?"

This series of objections made Joey look uneasy, but he set his jaw in a way that suggested he was not ready to drop the idea. "Monica and Rachel are going to raise the child; you don't have to be there. Kathy could come with you; I'm sure she could find work, and why couldn't you? Doesn't your company have any branches in California? Hell, with your way with words you could even become a scriptwriter, I bet." His responses were quick, as if he had them all ready, and Chandler realised that Joey was revealing thoughts that he must have been having for some time.

Joey started to pace around, his face beginning to show the mental turmoil that he must have been going through while thinking his way to these arguments. Suddenly he turned to face Chandler. "Let's face it," he said, almost angrily. "It's just not the same any more. Things started changing, when first Ross married Emily, and then Monica and Rachel got together." His expression softened and his gaze became distant, as if calling up memories of the past. "It used to be so great before."

Great for you, perhaps, Chandler thought, but not really for anyone else. Monica went from no job to a demeaning one to one where the staff were antagonistic. Ross and Rachel could neither work out their differences nor let each other go. I agonised over loving Kathy when she was Joey's girlfriend, then when I got her I lost her over something _really_ stupid. Phoebe lost her job, and had family problems. At least she never seemed to care whether she had someone or not, but the rest of us did, and most of the time we had no one, and were going nowhere fast. Oh yes, great times. But he did not want to put Joey down by pointing all this out.

"Things can't stay the same for ever, Joe," he said. "We changed … and now you want to," he finished lamely, only then realising that he was undercutting his own position. How could he oppose Joey's wish to make a change in his life?

As they looked at each other, uncertain what to say next, the door buzzer went. Chandler answered it.

"Hi, it's me," said Kathy cheerfully. "I got out early."

"Come on up, sweetheart." He pressed the release. "Kathy's here," he told Joey. "Maybe we should all discuss this together."

"If she'd be willing to move to LA, would you consider it?" said Joey, looking at him pleadingly. "We could even rent some place together – that would be so great."

Chandler got up, to go to the door. "_If_ she's willing, I _might_ consider it," he conceded rather reluctantly. Then he opened the door, to wait for Kathy. When she appeared, she looked curiously excited.

"Honey, I have some news," she said.

Chandler thought he perceived an air of slight apprehension about her. "Oh my God, you're not pregnant, are you?" he said in alarm.

She laughed. "No, of course not! Haven't we been making _quite_ sure that couldn't happen? No, it's … something else. I think you'd better be sitting down for this."

"Is it something Joey can hear?" Chandler asked as he accompanied her into the room. "And do you want a drink?"

"Yes, sure, to both," she said. "A beer, if you've got it."

"We always have beer," said Joey proudly.

"That's because you snitch it from across the way half the time," said Kathy, grinning. She accepted a beer, took a pull, and then looked at Chandler seriously.

"No point in dragging this out," she said. "I have an offer of a film part – not a starring role, but a good solid part, the heroine's best friend that she confides in, that kind of thing – but it's in LA. I'd really like to take it – it could move my career along a lot, and the money's good – but it will mean my being away for months, though I can fly back to see you when I've got some cash saved up." She looked at him, definitely apprehensive now. "What do you say?"

Chandler looked at Joey. "You know nothing of this?"

Joey was looking very taken aback. "No, truly, Chandler, it's the first I've heard of it. I'm pleased for you, Kathy. I was just saying to Chandler – "

"No, Joey," Chandler interrupted, "keep that to yourself for now. I need to think about this."

He sat in his Barca Lounger, not looking at either of them, brooding. Kathy looked at him in slight puzzlement, and then at Joey enquiringly, but Joey just shrugged.

Chandler was mulling over what Joey had said, in the light of this new situation. The corporation that employed him was only too likely to have a subsidiary or branch of some kind in California, if not in or near LA itself. And if he was there, he could indeed try his hand at writing, a secret ambition of his that had faded with the necessity of earning a living. In that respect, New York had been limiting for him too, and he didn't even enjoy his job much, just the money and perks that it brought him. And when it came right down to it, the company of his other friends could hardly compensate for the long-term absence of Joey _and_ Kathy.

"Okay," he said, looking at Joey first and banging his fists together decisively, "let's give it a shot." He turned to Kathy. "Joey wants to move to LA and try to break into the movies. He was suggesting that we go with him. Now that you want to go too … what good reason do I have to stay behind?"

"Hey, great, man!" said Joey, beaming all over his face and leaning over to pat him on the shoulder, as Kathy jumped up, crying "Oh Chandler!" and ran over to embrace him.

"It would be so great to have you there with me," she said. "But … what will you do?"

"I'll see if I can get a transfer to some other branch of the corporation," he said, "and if not … I'll look for work there. I've got a fair bit put away. It could keep me going for months, and Joey too, if he doesn't eat too much."

"Wow!" said Kathy. "So we'll all go? This is moving fast. But" – her face clouded – "what about all our friends? And Monica's carrying your child."

"She doesn't need me," said Chandler just a trifle bitterly. "We can come back around the time that it should be born, if she wants me to."

The more he thought about it, the more this seemed a good idea. He could get away, finally, from the faces that had haunted his dreams in the past, and still sometimes reappeared – Monica and Janice. For all that he loved Kathy, it had not always been easy to see Monica so loving with Rachel. Nor, once she had had her 'makeover', had it been easy to see Janice around at all. He still cringed internally at the memory of his abortive attempt to start something with her again, and now that she was with Emily, it was like having to watch Monica and Rachel together all over again. A clean break would enable him to concentrate on Kathy without distraction.

"It will be sad to say goodbye to them all," said Kathy, "but you're right, we can come back and visit. Hey, wouldn't it be great if we became big movie stars and could have our own jets, even?" She was speaking to Joey, half in earnest.

"Yeah!" said Joey enthusiastically. "Say, maybe we could even be in a movie together."

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea," said Kathy, looking sidelong at Chandler. "You might find that hard to take, mightn't you, honey?"

"Mm … maybe," said Chandler. "I certainly couldn't see the movie, or the rehearsals, if you had to pretend to be in love. But if you were just characters in it together, I don't see a problem. How soon do you have to go?"

"There's no _great_ rush," Kathy said. "They won't start shooting for a while. But I have to say yes or no to the offer by six tomorrow."

"Then say yes," said Chandler firmly. "The more I think about this, the more I can see what a good thing it could be for all of us. But there is one thing …" He looked at Joey. "It will save a lot of money if we give up the apartment and sell off our stuff."

"Oh man!" said Joey, suddenly looking very down. "I … never thought that far. And what would we do with the chick and the duck?"

"You could take them with you," Kathy suggested, "or maybe Phoebe would look after them for you."

Joey nodded, but the downside of what they were planning to do seemed to have been brought home to him by Chandler's comment.

"Maybe we shouldn't go, after all," he said, looking despondent. "I'm not so sure, now, that I want to leave what we have here."

"Oh no!" said Chandler rather fiercely. "You're not doing that to me, not after all this build-up. Kathy has the best reason of us all to go, and she wants to, and I don't want to stop her, in fact I want to go too, so I can be with her. I don't want us to be separated." He smiled across at her, and was very pleased by her look of happiness at his words. "So it's either come with us, or stay here on your own, Joey. Now what's it gonna be?"

"Wait a minute," said Kathy. "I just thought of something. You can't just up and leave Days Of Our Lives, Joey. If you did that to them, just walked out, you'd be blacklisted all over – you'd never work again.They have to write you out. And if I were you I'd ask to be written out temporarily – say you're on secondment to some other hospital, or on a long holiday, or something. Then, if LA doesn't work out, you can come back to the show, but if it does, they can kill you off again off-stage."

"Oh man!" said Joey, looking very impressed. "More stuff I never thought of. You're right, I couldn't go just like that. But, you know, what you say makes me easier about the whole idea somehow. Okay, as you said, Chandler, let's do it!"

"Drink a toast to it," said Chandler, holding out his bottle, and they ceremoniously clinked bottles and swigged.

"Now we've decided, we should tell our beautiful neighbours," he said when they lowered their bottles. "We have to get them used to the idea."

Beer bottles still in hand, they went and knocked on Monica and Rachel's door, a precaution they preferred to take these days, since they did not particularly wish to come upon Monica and Rachel making out, as they had done once. Monica was undoubtedly feeling the surge in horniness that pregnant women often felt in their second trimester. Called in, they found Monica, Rachel and Phoebe chatting over cups of coffee.

"We have news," said Chandler portentously. "Some day in the not too distant future, Kathy will be going to LA for a film, and I shall go with her – "

"And I," said Joey, "will go too, as soon as I can get a break from Days Of Our Lives, and see if I can't find some more interesting work there."

The three women looked at them in utter shock, mouths open. Phoebe was the first to react.

"You mean you're all going to leave us?" she wailed. "What about the chick and the duck?"

"We could take them with us," said Joey, "or maybe you'd like to look after them."

"You mean – you won't _be_ there any more?" said Rachel, suddenly sounding on the verge of tears. "There'll be _strangers _there?"

"Well, it would be too expensive to keep the apartment on," Chandler began, uneasy at making Rachel, and Monica too, he could see, patently upset, when suddenly Phoebe broke in.

"I know," she cried eagerly. "It would be a lot easier for me to look after the chick and the duck if I just moved into your apartment, and maybe it would be better for them, too, to stay in a place they know. But if they mope we'll have to send them on. Of course, if I do that, you'll have to help out with the rent. I can probably find someone who'd be happy to sublet my apartment."

"Oh, that would be so great, if you were living opposite us!" said Rachel, clapping her hands together in a way she had when she was excited about something. "Couldn't you find someone to share with you, even?"

"It's a great idea, if you'd do it, Pheebs," said Chandler. "I can provide some money towards the rent for a couple of months, at least. But it might be best to keep one of the bedrooms free, so that if one of us comes back we have a place to stay."

"Yeah, and this way, we don't even have to sell our stuff," said Joey enthusiastically.

Suddenly they all seemed to be coming round to the idea, and Monica asked Kathy eagerly about the film that she was going to be in.

Chandler felt a distinct sense of let-down. Yes, they had seemed upset, but only for a very short time. Then Phoebe came up with the idea of moving in, and Monica and Rachel became all happy and excited. He felt it would have been more appropriate if they'd made more fuss, even begged him and Joey to stay. After all, it was like the end of an era.

He felt eyes on him, and looked up to see Rachel regarding him rather seriously. She beckoned him close.

"We're going to miss you, Chandler," she said quietly, "very much. Don't think we don't feel it. We're getting excited about Phoebe as a way of hiding the pain, don't you see?" There were, he realised, tears in her eyes. She blinked them away. "But it's p-probably the right d-decision," she continued, her voice a little shaky. "You have to grow, and maybe you won't here – and anyway, you want to be with Kathy." She smiled. "I think that says something good about your relationship."

"I'd like to think so," he said, smiling.

"You'll be back to see Mon's baby?" she said, looking anxious. "I think she'd want you there, though you don't have to be with her. I'm gonna do that."

"I promise," he said solemnly. "I'll try to get Joey there too."

"And Kathy," said Rachel. "After all, she was in on this."

"I'll do my best," he said. "You know, we'll miss you guys too."

She nodded. "Anyway, you're not going right this minute, are you?"

"Not for a while," said Chandler. "The way I get it, they're still putting the cast together. So you have time to get sick of having us around."

"We could never do that, for all that we get mad at you sometimes," said Rachel. "But, come to think of it, we haven't done that for a while. The times, they are a-changin'," she sang, not entirely in tune.

"They certainly are," Chandler agreed. "Look at all these new relationships. Who would have thought, when we got into all that stuff about switching apartments, and then there was the excitement over Ross getting married, that we'd be where we are today?"

Rachel nodded. "We've come a long way, baby," she sang again.

"But we've still got a long way to go," Chandler added.


	13. Waving, Not Drowning

Chapter 13: Waving, Not Drowning

Author's Note: there is a reference to Joey's trip to Las Vegas to make a film in this, one of the events in Series 5 which I am assuming did actually happen – but not everything that went with it, obviously.

-----

"Chandler, it's so good to see you," said Rachel enthusiastically, beaming at him as they took their old seats in Central Perk.

"Yeah, it's such a shame Joey couldn't come too," said Phoebe rather unhappily as she eased herself into a chair.

"Well, he's locked into this shooting schedule," said Chandler apologetically, "and he knows he can't afford to cross the studio brass. He doesn't have a big fanbase, like on Days Of Our Lives, when he might have been allowed to miss rehearsals."

"Still, it sounds like he's fallen on his feet," said Monica.

Chandler grinned. "That, or another part of his anatomy. Let's face it, he got the part because the casting director had the hots for him. Luckily, he thought she was cute too."

They all laughed.

"Same old Joey!" said Phoebe fondly. "So, did he go looking for Kate Miller?"

"Yeah," said Chandler, "and he actually found her. But surprise, surprise: she's with someone else."

The women sighed sympathetically.

"Did he take it hard?" asked Monica.

Chandler looked thoughtful. "He was a bit quiet for a day or two, but then he went for this casting interview and came back all smiles."

"Is he still with the casting director?" Rachel asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," said Chandler. "Kathy thinks this is going a bit deeper than his usual love affairs. Maybe moving away from New York has made him grow up a bit."

"And how is Kathy?" Monica asked.

Chandler smiled. "She's _fine. She's really enjoying the work, and being in LA, and all that."_

"And what about you?" Monica pursued, smiling at him affectionately.

Chandler hesitated for a moment. His face seemed just a little troubled. "I suppose I should be grateful that I could arrange a transfer, and of course I'm delighted that I can be with Kathy. But …" He fell silent.

"But?" Phoebe prompted.

"The job I have is even more boring than the one I left!" he said explosively. "But we need my salary to cover rent and so on. We have a nice place, with lots of room for all three of us, but it costs."

They looked at him with great sympathy, but any comment that might have been made was overridden by a shriek of joy in a familiar voice.

"See, Maggie, it's your uncle Chandler!" cried Janice.

Maggie ran over to give Chandler a hug, followed by Janice and Emily, who were laden with the bags of the weekly shopping expedition. Chandler got up to give them both a warm hug and kiss.

"You're looking well, Chandler Bing," said Janice affectionately. "California must _agree_ with you."

"Maybe it's just getting away from all of us," said Emily, grinning at him.

Chandler smiled, but in a rather strained way which Janice picked up on instantly.

"What's the matter?" she said more quietly. "Things not going so well?"

"It's his job," said Phoebe.

"Basically, I hate it," said Chandler rather savagely.

Janice sighed. "Where have I heard that before?"

"No luck with that script?" Emily asked.

Chandler looked a little shamefaced. "We've been so busy … I, uh, I haven't got round to it."

Just then Gunther arrived to take further orders. But if Chandler hoped that this would create a diversion in which the topic could be dropped, he was mistaken. Once orders had been taken and Janice, Maggie and Emily had settled down, they fixed him with determined glances.

"Chandler, that script represents far and away your best hope of breaking out of the corporate life," Emily said rather sternly. "I'm sure you could find the time to get yourself an agent to hawk it round the studios."

"Better yet, why not use Kathy's agent, or Joey's?" said Janice. "Sure, it's a step into the _unknown, but you really should take it."_

"Yeah, believe in yourself, Chandler," said Monica. "That script is _funny_. Have you written any more?"

Looking rather hangdog, Chandler muttered evasively.

"You've been laying back, I guess," said Phoebe acutely. "Which is all right as a relaxation from your job, but like Emily says, that script is your best hope. You've got to get off your butt and _do something." She leaned forward and looked at him earnestly._

Chandler seemed to quail as six pairs of female eyes, including Maggie's, fixed on him. He licked his lips. "Okay, I promise," he said just a little hoarsely.

"Poor Chandler," said Rachel sympathetically, "we are putting you through it. But it's for your own good. We want to see you happy. And I'll just bet Kathy's saying precisely the same things."

Chandler grinned a little ruefully. "You got that right. Okay, I _will_ do it, I swear. So, anyway, enough about me – how are you guys doing, especially Monica and Phoebe?"

"Well, I've been through this before," said Phoebe brightly, "and carrying one baby seems a lot easier than three. It's going okay."

"It's a great help having Phoebe next door," said Rachel. "She knows what to expect, so if Monica starts getting _worried, she can calm her down, which is more than I can do sometimes." She bent an only partly faked frown of reproof on her partner._

Monica smiled. "Yeah, having Phoebe, as well as Rachel, to support me, is great. I wouldn't have liked to do this on my own, the way Phoebe had to do."

"Oh, but I had great support from you guys!" cried Phoebe. "Don't think I didn't appreciate it, then and … later." Her face went sad for a moment; evidently she was remembering having to give up the babies she had carried for her brother and sister-in-law. Then she brightened up. "I'm getting a brand new Ross-and-Phoebe baby. That will make up for everything. Oh, and by the way, Chandler, the chick and the duck seem fine, though they do occasionally wander around as if they were looking for you. Maybe you should drop by."

Chandler nodded. "How is Ross, anyway?" he asked.

"Oh, he's fine too," said Monica happily. "He and Julie are so good together. I told you over the phone they'd got engaged, didn't I? They're planning to get married after we've given birth, so we can take part, and the babies can be there too."

"Yeah," said Janice a little sourly. "Which is fine and all, and I'm very happy for them, but I _wish Ross would stop saying third time lucky!"_

"It doesn't bother me, Janice," Emily assured her.

"That's what you say," said Janice, smiling at her, "but it sure bothers _me_! Though if you hadn't been _un_lucky, I guess we wouldn't be in this great place right now."

Emily took her hand. "We're actually thinking we might get married, too," she said to Chandler, "but one marriage at a time is quite enough for this group to freak out over."

"Who's freaking out?" said Monica somewhat indignantly.

"You are," said Rachel, looking at her fondly and putting her hand over hers. "Don't even try to deny it. You've been as excited about Ross and Julie's marriage as you were about ours. I have to say," she commented, looking at Chandler, "Julie is showing great forbearance, with _two_ Geller women sticking their noses in at every opportunity and going on as if the wedding was next week, rather than months away."

"The other Geller woman would be Judy, of course," said Chandler. "Well, that's how it goes when families get involved. If Kathy and I get married, I'm sure my mom will descend in her chariot of fire and try to take it over. But Kathy's mom might have something to say to that."

"Ooh, do you think you might?" said Rachel eagerly. "Could we be bridesmaids? After all, we did get you together again."

"Rach, we are married," Monica pointed out. "Just not to guys. Married women can't be bridesmaids."

Rachel looked crestfallen. "Yeah, I suppose. That was dumb of me."

"I suppose that rules us out too," said Janice mock-dolefully. "We've _been _married."

"Maggie could be a bridesmaid," said Emily. "Even if she is a bit young. Would you like that, darling?"

"Oh _yes_," said Maggie. "Uncle Chan'ler, get married quick as quick! None of my friends has been a bridesmaid."

Chandler smiled fondly at her. "This is all going much too fast," he said. "But _if_ we get married, I promise we'll think of you. But you'll all have to come out to LA. I think Kathy's going to want to stay there."

"Some day we should come out and see you anyway," said Emily. "I've seen very little of America, and I'd like to see LA, the safe bits, at least."

Chandler looked suddenly sad. "Luckily for us, the bad area is way off to the south. But it's awful to think of. It's so … senseless."

There was a rather sombre silence, which was broken by Maggie, who had not, of course, understood what was being referred to.

"Can I have a cookie, mom?" she said wheedlingly.

"Of course you can, sweetheart," said Janice fondly. "Gunther!" she called. "Bring me some of your best cookies, please."

Gunther appeared in a moment, beaming at Maggie. He was as fond of her as all the others were.

"This is almost like old times," he said, looking at the group. "But where are Ross and Julie?"

"Oh, they're shopping around for something or other to do with the wedding," said Monica casually.

"And you're not giving them advice?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

There was a fair amount of laughter. That was pretty good, for Gunther.

Monica grinned and shook her head. "No, seeing Chandler comes even before choosing stuff for a wedding."

"And Joey?" said Gunther.

"He's shooting this film," Chandler explained. "I only got over here because I volunteered to bring a report to head office and make the presentation that goes with it." He pulled a face. "Believe me, it'll be a miracle if I don't go to sleep in the middle of my own report. But that's corporate life for you – boooRING!"

Gunther looked sympathetic. "Yeah, I'm glad I never got into that world. I've overheard customers bitching about it." His gaze fell on Phoebe's and Monica's now very evident bulges. "Everything going well?"

"It certainly is," said Monica, while Phoebe grinned and nodded.

" How long to go now?" he asked.

"Five weeks at most, for me," said Phoebe. "It may be a bit longer for Monica."

"Well, once they've been born and you're settled, be sure you bring them in," Gunther said. "It's never too soon to get a new generation used to Central Perk." He smiled at Maggie again and wandered off.

"Do you think Gunther will still be here when our children are old enough to come in for coffee?" said Monica to Phoebe.

"Well, look, Maggie's already here," Phoebe pointed out. "But if you mean, like when they are teenagers or older, well, he might be. He certainly seems to like the job."

"Do you suppose he has anybody?" said Rachel. "Tucked away somewhere, I mean?"

They all looked thoughtful. "Gunther's a real dark horse," said Phoebe eventually, "but I doubt it. First he had that long crush on you, and then recently he got this crush on Janice – "

"What's a crush, auntie Phoebe?" asked Maggie innocently.

"It's when you think someone's very nice," said Phoebe, "so nice you may even think you're in love with them – but you aren't, not really, you just like seeing them around."

"So, do I have a crush on Uncle Chan'ler?" Maggie continued. "Because I like seeing him around. He makes me laugh."

They all laughed in a friendly way at this one. "You're too young to have crushes, sweetheart," said Janice. "But give it ten years, maybe less, and you might start having them. You'll understand the difference between just liking someone and having a crush on them much better then."

Maggie looked discontented. "You're always saying things like that," she said. "I wish I could get older faster, so I could unnerstand things."

Emily shook her head at her. "Don't," she said. "Grown-ups, even teenagers, may seem to understand more about the world, but the more you know, the harder it gets to just have fun without any worries, the way you can when you're a child. And you've got school to come. That's fun, really, though you may not always think so."

There was a murmur of amusement.

"Whoops," said Janice, looking at her watch. "We ought to be getting you round to Carol and Susan's, little lady. She's going to play with Ben," she informed the company, as she and Emily rose to their feet, gathering up store bags.

Everyone smiled in approval.

"Maybe we've got the nucleus of a new group there," said Chandler lightheartedly. "Do you like Ben, Maggie?"

"Oh yes," said Maggie, smiling at him. "He's _cool_, like uncle Joey says."

Making their farewells, Janice and Emily moved towards the door.

"Just you make sure you do what you promised, Chandler Bing," Janice called. "I'm holding you to it."

He raised a hand in acknowledgement. "I will, I truly will."

-----

"They bought it!" Chandler virtually screamed down the phone. "They bought my script! They want me to write more! They're planning to take it into production and cast for a pilot!" 

"Oh _Chandler_, that's so great!" Rachel replied, also in a near-scream and jumping up and down in excitement. "They bought his script!" she shouted to everyone assembled in the apartment.

Amid general cries of delight, Janice asked, "_Who_'s bought it, though?"

"Yes, it shouldn't be some fly-by-night bunch like the ones that let Joey down, that time when he went to Vegas," said Emily worriedly.

"Okay, okay," said Rachel, waving them down, and then, into the mouthpiece, "We all want to know, Chandler – _who's_ bought it?"

"Only HBO," said Chandler proudly. "They have a record for taking a flyer on unknowns. But I owe a lot to Joey's and Kathy's agents. They both pitched it to some studio brass independently. Look, Joey and Kathy are both wild to go out and celebrate and Kathy has a death grip on my pants, so what can I do? I'll call you again soon." Before Rachel could utter another word, he was gone.

"Well!" she gasped, flopping back onto the couch next to Monica. "Isn't that great?"

"It's certainly a big step forward," said Janice. "I won't be entirely happy until he's got a _contract _and all – and happier still, of course, when it's seen on TV and takes off."

"But it's a tremendous feather in his cap, all the same," said Emily. "I _knew_ that script was good when I read it. I wonder if I'll get any kind of acknowledgement for the title."

"What is the title?" said Bonnie, who was visiting Phoebe and had been invited in to coffee. In fact, everyone was assembled.

"Waving, Not Drowning," said Emily. "You see, it's all about the struggling writers and artists in the Village. They often meet in a coffee shop that's a bit like Central Perk, but rather more downmarket."

"Hey, is that meant to be based on the poem?" said Ross.

"Yup," said Emily. "This is a poem by someone called Stevie Smith, titled Not Waving But Drowning," she explained to the others. "It's so striking I committed it to memory a long time ago. I hope they'll read the first verse as a voiceover during the introduction or something, to explain the title."

"You and your quotes!" said Janice fondly. "How does the verse go?"

Emily opened her mouth, but Ross forestalled her:

"Nobody heard him, the dead man, 

But still he lay moaning:

I was much further out than you thought

And not waving but drowning."

Then he looked at Emily expectantly. She took it up.

"Poor chap, he always loved larking

And now he's dead

It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,

They said."

Then both looked slightly embarrassed and paused, looking at each other.

"Come on, come on, there must be more!" said Janice. "What's the problem?"

"It's … rather a sad ending," said Emily a little tremulously.

"Well, if he's drowned, it's _bound_ to be," said Janice robustly. "Spit it out."

Emily sighed.

"Oh, no no no, it was too cold always

(Still the dead one lay moaning)

I was much too far out all my life

And not waving but drowning."

Then she produced a handkerchief, blew her nose hard, and even appeared to dab surreptitiously at her eyes.

"Well …" said Janice a bit uncertainly, and stopped. She looked around, to see that most of those were looking rather down, apart from Phoebe, who was absorbed in a counting game with Maggie and apparently paying no attention.

"Hey, come on, you people," she said. "What, are you thinking this applies to _you_? No way."

"It could have done, once," said Ross. "Not so long ago, in fact." He glanced at Phoebe and lowered his voice. "When things were going wrong …"

"But now you've got Julie!" cried Janice, causing Julie to beam and hug Ross's arm. "Sure, there've been times when _I_ felt like that, when I left Chandler, which I _hated_ to do, and went back to Gary, and then broke up with him finally, and then again when …" She paused and looked at Emily, who reached across, took her hand, and squeezed it very hard.

Janice appeared to swallow and went on, her voice steady, "But look at me now! Look at all of you! Well, I don't know about you, Bonnie, but everyone else here has things going well for them, even if they were a bit _rocky_ at one time. And now Chandler's made a good start, and obviously he and Kathy and Joey are all _happy_ together over there."

"Yeah!" said Rachel. "Well said, Janice! It's stupid thinking about how things might have gone better in the past, when really they're pretty darned good now."

"Sorry to have introduced a bit of a downer," said Emily penitently. "I can't resist interesting little poems and quotations and things like that. I'm a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles, in fact, and that's another quote." She cocked an eye at Ross as if challenging him to recognise it.

Bonnie laughed delightedly when he looked baffled. "It's Shakespeare, _The Winter's Tale_," she said. "We did it in high school. It has the best stage direction ever."

"What's that?" said Phoebe, who had apparently started listening to the conversation by now.

"Exit, pursued by a bear," said Bonnie gleefully, widening her eyes, baring her teeth and raising her hands in bent claw shapes. She was looking at Maggie, who had turned to see what Phoebe was suddenly interested in. Maggie gave a delighted shriek and ran from her seat, to be pursued around the apartment by Bonnie, roaring and lumbering, amid much laughter and cheering on by the others, before she was finally caught, hugged, kissed, and let go.

"You know," said Bonnie when she returned to her seat, "I envy you, Phoebe, Monica. I know pregnancy is uncomfortable by this stage, and giving birth is, um, the opposite of a blast, but you'll have a child shortly, who should be the apple of your eye from day one. You can't put a value on that."

Both Phoebe and Monica looked very pleased.

"Well, I hope you get the chance some day, Bonnie," said Monica, "though, um, it's more difficult if your partner's a woman."

"Oh, that's only for fun, on both sides," said Bonnie airily. "No, I'm looking around. The way I see it, I've still got plenty of time, and I have taken one positive step." She ran a hand through her fine blond hair. "I won't go bald again until I've got the man well and truly hooked, _and_ he agrees."

"Oh don't!" Rachel cried, again feeling a pang of remorse over her bad behaviour in the past. "If you only knew how badly I feel about that now!"

"As Sam Goldwyn is supposed to have said, we've all passed a lot of water since then," said Bonnie, grinning at her in a friendly way. "Don't sweat it, Rachel. I don't bear you any malice. I'm pleased to see that you and Ross have both found happiness, if not with each other."

"They're both better off than they would have been with each other," said Phoebe firmly, "and I think they know that."

"Yeah, it seems like we all have finally found our soulmates," said Ross, "except for you, Pheebs, and Joey, of course. Maybe you should hitch up."

Phoebe giggled. "Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again: you could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani. I'm still his backup, for if we're unmarried at forty. But I'll be surprised if we haven't found someone to settle down with by then."

"Yeah, what about that submarine guy?" said Bonnie. "Surely he won't be going on doing these half-year dives for _ever_."

"No, it's the mathematician in Minsk that she really loved," said Rachel insistently.

Phoebe grinned and nodded.

"But even if we get Pheebs fixed, we still have to find someone for Joey," said Ross.

"It should not be beyond the wit of the assembled company to manage that," said Julie lightheartedly. "They got us together, after all."

"Yeah, thanks to Richard having met you," said Rachel. "Have you heard any more from him, Mon?"

"He did ring a while back, just to ask how things were going," said Monica. "He's still seeing his optometrist colleague, and he sounded pretty cheerful. I think we should let him know when the baby's born, don't you? I'm not mad at him any more."

"If you say so, Mon," said Rachel, smiling at her sunnily. "You know I can't refuse you anything."

"There you go," said Monica, "and only two days ago you were adamant that I could not buy those boots I liked so much."

"They would have looked darned good on you," said Rachel, "but they would have crippled your feet. I should know: I tried a pair once."

As they bickered in a friendly way, with the other women putting in a comment now and then, Ross gazed at them benevolently. It would be nice if some of the others decided to get pregnant soon, he thought, so they could have the makings of a group of children, with Ben and Maggie as its leaders. If they all grew up together, maybe they'd become as good friends as their parents were. With all the advice and examples they would have to draw on, maybe they might even make fewer mistakes in life and love – but that might be too much to hope for.

(Author's Final Note: it should be obvious that I have no intention of creating further difficulties for my beloved characters. Monica's and Phoebe's babies will be born without problems; Chandler's sitcom will succeed, he will be able to leave his boring corporate job, and he will marry Kathy; Ross will marry Julie and have children, as will others of the enlarged group; Joey will do reasonably well as an actor in LA and eventually meet someone he wants to settle down with, etc. etc. Maybe David will even come back from Minsk and marry Phoebe, though I suspect she could be perfectly happy with a much-wanted child, her secure place in the group of friends, and occasional lovers)


End file.
